What do you do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KMS, May 6, 2008.

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  1. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    What do you do when you wake up one morning and realize that your life has been completely meaningless? That your life has no purpose, no point, no reason? What goes through your head? What do you think about? What do you do when the things you used to enjoy are no longer fun? When the people you care about seem to turn their backs on you? When they say snap out of it, or it’ll pass or stop being stupid?

    What do you do when you can no longer feel? When emotions and friendships and bonds that you once shared with people seem to fade away and you become numb to them? What do you do when you can no longer feel empathy, love, acceptance, or any of the hundreds of emotions that there are?

    Do you think about ways to end your life or how to change it? How do you decide what to do? How do you come to any decisions? How do you keep going day by day?

    If you decide to change your life, how do you start? How do you cope with the things in your past? How do you force change when you fear change? How do you turn your life around? Can you do it on your own or do you need friends and loved ones to help you? What if you have no one to help you? Where do you even start? What do you do with the beast inside of you that you have tried hard to suppress and to change? The person inside that you don’t want to be but keeps slipping out?

    What about ending your life? Do you really want to even do it? Is it just a cop out, an excuse, a cry for attention? When you think about ending your life, do you cry? Does it hurt inside to think about it? Does it cause more pain to think about it?
  2. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Well-Known Member

    Too many questions for me to answer in a single statement.

    To answer the first paragraph. I've become very good at personal obfuscation. Enough to the point that even the verisimilitude of being happy and well adjusted will get me to believe that I should get up and continue the show. I like big words, makes me feel smart.

    Second paragraph. Remember that if I don't fake it good enough someone will eventually scream at me and I intensely dislike confrontation.

    Third paragraph. Ya. I keep going out of habit for the most part.

    Fourth paragraph. I have no idea.

    Fifth paragraph. I don't know if it's a cry for attention or not. I have come close to tears, but for the last several years I appear to have become incapable of crying. At least, over myself. And I feel about as numb about that as I do everything else....except when I cut.
  3. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    i am not really looknig for answers per say, jsut typing out my thoughts. i appreciate you trying to answer though. i am deathly scared to answer my own questions.
  4. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Hey. I could sign my name to your long list of legitimate questions. I'll be interested to see what kind of responses you get.
  5. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Well-Known Member

    Well then, I think this calls for a :tongue:
    /not being serious
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    When I was first diagnosed with depression I had a few "snap out it" comments from friends. But when they saw how serious it was they apologized. 99% of my friends have been supportive, each in their own way. When I feel as low as you describe, it's like i'm wrapped in a fog. It's a very dangerous time for me, I am high risk for suicide when I feel like this

    Red flags. I know I'm in trouble once I am numb to my emotions.

    There are times that I think about suicide 2/47. I keep going to therapy, but realistically it's not doing much good right at the moment because my head is full of thoughts of self-harm. Everywhere I look I see myself dead: the river, a tree, in front of a car. Still I'm here.

    So how do I keep going? I use every single coping strategy I have: I call the suicide hotline, write down my feelings, keep all my med appointments, call friends, post here, take anti-depressants, hang out in chat, go to bed early and get a good night's sleep.

    I don't try and 'force' change, just accept that I don't want to continue feeling as bad as I currently feel. That leaves me only two options: change or death. I needed professional help in order to begin to change, my thinking was distorted by depression to the point where nothing made sense. My friends and family can be supportive, but it takes a professional to dig away at all my self-hatred.

    It depends. Some days I am certain I want to do it. Other days I remember that I haven't always felt this way, so there is a little hope in me that I will feel better again in the future. Yes, I'm sad when I think about my death by suicide. I think about my nephews, and how hurt and confused they will be. I think about all the things I didn't get to do. But mostly, more than hurt, I feel relief that my suffering will soon be over. Again, disordered thinking because of depression.
  7. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    i jsut dont know what to do anymore. i cant keep gonig day by day doing nothing anymore. i jsut dont want to be here
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi KMS, what's going on? can you write a little bit about what has brought you to this low point?
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Ditto, I concur!!!!!!:chopper:
  10. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    What do I do?
    First of all , i was thinking if I can change something (i was hoping Ill be able to change)
    Today, i have realised there is nothing to be changed. Since then, i think of suicide 24/7.
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It is the opposite for me. When I think about how my life has no purpose or meaning, I see that there is no purpose or meaning to anything or anyone's life, and then I do feel empathy. I feel compassion and love. I see others running around looking for the meaning when there is none, and love them.
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