when you think regularly about suicide and 1) you're a social worker and 2) you actually work on a suicide prevention hotline...? Well, not that I'd actually kill myself (I've worked with way too many people to know how much that hurts those you leave behind), it's just interesting how I can sit on the phones and counsel other people, turning my depression off like a switch. It's just interesting how one can make a career of helping other people feel better when at the end of the day, I'm really just a loner who can't stand the sight of himself. After awhile, the meds just seem to not work anymore, not for this nagging melancholy that leaves you thinking a few times a week, if only for a few seconds at a time: "What if I am just a complete hopeless reject who just needs to walk away from this while he's ahead" I see my therapist tomorrow, but it just wears down after awhile. It's like: "Yeah, feeling suicidal, I should get back on meds" not depressed often enough for meds to actually be affective. Really, they should make an "I'm sad-right-now-and-just-need-to-get-through-this-temporary-feeling-of-hopelessness pill"