what do you expect from me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Wastingecho, Mar 14, 2014.

  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm fucking trying

    was one of the primary designers of this system - huge chunks of it would not have existed without me

    then you pushed me out of design - put me in charge of the network and the hardware - then pushed me out of that and into the hospital

    and when you didn't know what to do with me, i did shit on my own that you needed but didn't even realize

    so when we needed to put reports on the internet, i had the answer

    when you needed to watch the health of the processes, i had the solution

    when we needed to translate millions of lines of code into another language, i pulled it off

    when you needed complete overhauls of support infrastructure, i knew what to do

    now you want me to do nothing but clean up bugs in sections of the code that i haven't been involved in for 15 years, following all the rules and procedures that "everyone" knows but no one saw fit to write down

    if i could quit this job and take another i would, but there is nothing else out there for me - maybe if i was single again and didn't have a family - but i do and therefore i'm stuck

    so i sit here banging my head and working mostly blind and it just makes me feel more and more like shit

    maybe this is a set up to use as an excuse to get rid of me

    only thing in my favor is that they generally give you a warning so you have the option to resign rather than get fired

    then i'll know it's time - when my worth is 0, my life is 0 and i will end it all before my life insurance runs out

    this is not what i want

    it feels like it's what has to be
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :arms: I'm sorry you'e having such troubles and feelings. You have obviously worked very hard and given above and beyond the call of duty. I suspect that overall, even if you haven't touched the sections you're working on for 15 years, the other work you've done to save their bacon sure sounds like you really know what you're doing. You have listed a number of accomplishments that show you have talent, initiative, and business sense. Those might be worth more than you think. *nods*

    If you really want to leave this job, have you considered going to a professional career counsellor to identify your skills, find the way to "market" them to potential employers, build your résumé for specific job applications? I just worry that someone with your experience and skills is feeling so low that you don't think anyone else would hire you. It might be worth looking into.

    Again, I'm sorry things are really hard for you right now. Work and assignments and how we are treated compared colleagues and so on can be so unfair sometimes. Please hold tight and stay safe. I'm thinking of you!