What do you find helpful?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by positivity?, May 7, 2008.

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  1. positivity?

    positivity? Guest

    Given that we have had a couple of threads focusing on the negative things that people do, I thought it might be worth turning it around.

    What do you find helps you when you make a post/talk to people/meet people, etc.

    Focusing on the negatives only says what the negatives are but doesn't necessarily give anyone a key as to what can be positive and helpful to someone who is feeling so awful.
  2. Yeah - quid pro quo...

    What has ALWAYS helped me more than anything (whether from a friend or a 'professional') was someone who really, truly listened - and not necessarily having "The Final Answer". It made me feel like more of an individual, and also 'validated' (not "condoned/enabled") for the feelings I had...

    I remember such people (and always will) with great gratitude and fondness in my heart...:smile:
  3. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    Great idea. Some of the most positive things I've heard are like 'I don't know the answers other than I care for you', 'Do you need me to listen','Would you like me to help you get somewhere to get the answers you need' and 'What do you think you need to do next'. For me, sincere acknowledgement means a lot as well as acceptance of my feelings right then.
  4. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    I second the listening aspect. Just being attended to, feeling like your not alone, can be so rewarding.
  5. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    That I can listened to other people ideas & deepest thoughts.
    I feel connected whether they agree with my twisted idea or not.

    Expression helps unload of isolation rather than physical friends who has nothing but proslytyze me.

    I also find that as we might be whacky we have some similarity in humour.This is the best thing of being in a whacked commune.
  6. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    being accepted with open arms..being trusted....
  7. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    what helps is to be able to find hope in a futile situation. :)
  8. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    to have someone believe in you when you are soo low that all hope is lost
  9. glass_samurai

    glass_samurai Member

    As far as I'm concerned, people help me most when they stop trying to help me. I don't want them to be afraid to hurt my feeling and walk on eggshells. What I long for the most is a heart to heart conversation between equals. I usually don't share my darkest feelings because it seems to alter the relationship beyond repair, and from then on it remains biased.
  10. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    When I talk to someone and reach out to them. Be it online or in person.. A family member, a friend, a therapist, a doctor, a complete stranger, whoever.. I feel better when they dont try to force information out of me. If they let me tell it at my own pace and only tell what Im comfortable with I feel more secure and in controll.. I dont mind their advice but it gets annoying when they repeat the same thing over and over to me knowing very well they told me that not five minutes ago. It helps if someone just listens and I actually know they are listening because they arent saying 'What' every few minutes.. This is off topic but what makes me feel better and helps me popping the song 'Empty Walls' into my cd player.. Yes thats why I picked this name.. I just want to yell at certain people 'Hey..Get behind these empty walls that I live behind and look out from the hole thats drilled in the wall..See how you feel...'
  11. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    generally, i know that people are complex. that one way of helping won't help everyone, that a post is a post and there's a complicated person with a complicated history behind that original post.

    when i reply i tend to just look for clues as to what might help that person and try and establish some kind of communication- talk in the same language as best as i can and ask questions about themselves, offer some ways of 'outs' of ways of going about things that could be of help etc.

    what helps me when i feel awful, generally when i feel awful at the moment i tend to be angry :)furious:) so i just start being angry, start yelling and just retreat to my flat.

    when i feel fragile sad teary - just something expressive helps me. love, hugs, physical contact, just the feeling of 'i hear you' 'your pain is okay to feel and i understand where you're coming from' is more than enough. when i text my gf she says "what will help you feel better" and i just say forget it i'll deal with it myself. or i phone her and say 'tell me how much you love me' and she'd try and that'll be okay and i'd just go to sleep.

    really when i think about it sleep to me is the best, most helpful medication for me. a good long sleep not a restless sleep.

    i honestly never have found mental health forums to be of much help so don't rely on it too much for them to help me. i get most of my help from myself or the people who genuinely care and love me.
  12. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    Being left alone.

    Plusses and Minuses to that one of course, but on balance..........
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