This is something I've been thinking about since my partner's death, if I'm being honest. If you ask me years ago when we were still together up to a tear ago, I'd just say "Oh, I'm still attractive enough to my partner and that's all that matters to me". Part of it probably comes from low self-esteem and I only care for what my partner thinks and make me feel. While I still consistently do self-care, I stopped worrying too much about my physical appearance, or somewhat felt lack of appreciation about myself.
Fast-forward to the present, or at least, after her death. I feel like it is helping me to value myself more when I look at the positives and learn to appreciate how I look again.
When I was in high school and college, I used to be very particular in making myself look good on how my hair is styled, how I dress up, like I mean overall. I was too self-conscious. Then, like I said, over time and when I started to have stable relationships, I became less worried and conscious. It continued when I met my partner to the point nothing really mattered anymore.
So recently, I just realized I need to get that "feeling" back. Not too much though as I'm.not getting any younger but at least, learn to appreciate things about myself again. I'd start with people who looks at my photo almost always say that I look younger than my age. They say middle to late 20s or early 30s? Oh, I appreciate that a lot even if health-wise, I feel old. I remember my partner used to get compliments that she looks like on her early 20s or middle (she's just younger than me by 1 year) probably because of her small height and jolly/happy attitude towards others. I guess if you seen us 3 together along with my daughter, you'd probably mistaken her as our youngest sister.
Anyway, I remember my partner liking my arms and that's most likely her favorite part of me. She used to lay his face on one of them a lot. Our family friend, who cuts/trims my hair since I was in high school and who eventually took care/maintained my partner's hair over the years, loves my hair a lot. He's one of the best, known stylist here. I guess, I appreciate that my hair does not look like the usual hair of guys my age. It looks more like I'm in my teenage years or early 20s. I should thank him for that. He also likes saying I'm whiter than usual. My partner mentioned that to me too. I guess, my skin complexion is whiter than normal Filipinos. I'm not even Chinese (lots of Filipino-Chinese living here). I should also appreciate that I don't get bad acnes? I get pimples from time to time, but my face probably does some magic and I almost never get any scar from them. I should also feel good when people tell me that I have nice, expressive, brown eyes. I'd just say, my daughter looks at lot like me especially her eyes and people think she's cute and pretty (her mom/my partner has very beautiful, stunning eyes as well). Oh, I guess, that makes me proud. I uses to tease them both "Hey she got her looks from me. Mostly just me" lol. My partner almost always gives me that dagger kind of look.
One thing that has been a revelation to me though, is I didn't realize until the past months, that I have youthful, soft, and almost flawless legs and feet. I love the shape of them as well as my toes. I admit that I adore my partner's legs/feet. I used to compliment her a lot on them. It did came to a point that she did things to maintain them so they will always look and feel fresh. She got too conscious, I'd say. When she was in coma at the hospital, I used to massage her feet a lot. She is ticklish on those so I was also hoping I might wake her up doing that. Either way, I'm sure she liked it. With me though, I was just ignoring my mine over the years. I guess, I remember the time she liked massaging them or putting her feet between mine. Later on, I did not expect that I will appreciate them. It's a weird feeling, really, but positive nonetheless. Sometimes when I look through my phone while sitting or laying in bed, I can't help staring at them a bit and say "Oh, C, you think that yours are better?" In a teasing manner. Some friends who have seen them also say they're smooth and they look youthful. I also get comments like my hands feels like hands of a girl due to how soft they are when I held their hands a bit. Guess, I need to appreciate that too.
I think I already said too much and this has gotten long. But in the end, it's a nice feeling that I'm able to appreciate myself physically again.