what do you tell people who find out?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by green_eggs_and_ham, Jun 28, 2006.

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  1. During my last session w/ the therapist, she noticed the scar on my arm and I gave her a lame excuse. I lied to her, and she knows it.

    It's one thing to know what I did in my head, but to say it out loud and admit it to someone else is really hard and I don't know how to express myself.

    Anyone go through this and have ideas on how to break the ice without sounding like a total moron? Thanks
  2. Neverhere

    Neverhere Guest

    Hun im sori your having a hard decision but i can empathise precisley with how you feel. For years at school people noticed my arm in p.e but i told them the cat caught me or i scraped against a tree. Everybody knew the truth but to admit it is almost like making it a truth to yourself and its scary to do. Eventually one day i was with my friends when i decided to see the Deputy head of my school. I just sat in her office and said "I've been harming myself" at that point the tears kicked in but it felt so strange saying it. Just tell you therapist the truth as she is there to help you. Pm me if you want to talk more (hug) x
  3. x-hateful-x

    x-hateful-x Member

    admiting that your a selfharmer or what ever people lable it as nowadaya is sucha huge things as your admiting that what you are doing is wrong and that initself is scarey. ive been there also and always had an excuse of im clumsy or the cat got me whilst we were playing. one things ive learnt is people aren'tr stupid, they knwo whats goign on but want you to tell them for yourself. tell you theripsist as they are there to help you through the rough timnes and you never know they might be able to help you stop. if you need someone to talk to im always about so pm me and ill always reply take care lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx ElliE
  4. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    I don't really know about excuses. I did a lot of hiding and nobody saw the scars until they already knew. But while admitting that you have a problem is hard, doing so is usually the first step to help for it :)
    Sorry, I'm not much help.
  5. Thanks for the advice. I should be truthful and just get it out in the open. It's just hard and I'm being a wimp...but I'll do it. Thanks again.
  6. I've brought myself to admit to my friends that I hurt myself and cut, but I cannot bring myself to tell my parents or family. I dont know why I'm not forthcoming, if I can come clean with people not related to me :unsure:
  7. x-hateful-x

    x-hateful-x Member

    its always easier to tell friends and people close to you than family as your family i.e your parents will judge as they were not brought up around such a thing as self harm or self hatred. my parents still dotn know 6 years on but my friends i couldnt lie to them any more. its still one of the hardest things ive ever had to do.
  8. rabidkittieleg

    rabidkittieleg New Member

    easy excuses (cat scratched me) usually works with friends and occuantinces, but you should just come out to yer therapist, just say it because you cant start working on the solution if you dont ecnowledge the problem. they're there to help you, so you should just be open about it.
  9. Thanks for the advice gang. It's T minus 5 days until I have my next session. I've just gotta come up with the magic words to explain stuff....but I'll give it a try.
  10. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    You could always try and throw the ball back in her court and ask her what she thinks they are. Might open up the discussion at least...? :unsure:
  11. LtRoarke

    LtRoarke Guest

    I like shygirls's advice-ask her what she thinks they are. She'll probably say that she thinks you've been cutting, and all you have to do is shake your head "yes" or say "yes". It's easier to admit it when you don't have to say too many words. But whatever you do, admit it to her because I garuantee you'll feel a whole lot better for it, and she'll be able to help you more. Good luck*
  12. Oooo, good idea, Shygirl. I definitely like that idea of asking her what she thinks happened. Thanks.
  13. gothic_spleen

    gothic_spleen Antiquities Friend

    I apoligize to everyone for my extreme absence.

    I myself use this way, when I have to go to the hospital, especially if it is s certain kind of hospital. And those of us on this site who know me can tell u I have had my experience with the mental health system. The only advice I can give you, is to do what feels comfortable with you. Dont push yourself to tell, but you will feel better if u do.
  14. I had my session yesterday and was able to confess how my arm was injured. My therapist was very supportive and nonjudgmental, (as I knew she would be) but still, the anxiety to say it out loud was really intense.

    Thanks, everyone, for your insights and advice.
  15. FoReVeR LoSt

    FoReVeR LoSt Well-Known Member

    when people @ my work saw the scars, i just told them that nothing had happened. That was left @ that. I told my friend once and that turned out badly for me, i was admitted into the hospital against my will, under the mental health act or something and that made me feel worse about the whole experience. From that point on, i refuse to tell anyone about my scars or me cutting :sad: i just can't trust anyone anymore and it sucks, cause i need help, but if i can't trust anyone, what do i do? I think i'm in denial, maybe that's why i refuse to tell anyone, but ya.... :sad:
  16. When people see my scars on my arms, kinda given up on hiding them now since ther not gonna go away, they just stare, and i eventually turn my arm around so they cant see them. Its annoying because they dont understand, and they are thinking im some kind of freak. But.. i have one close special friend in real life who understands it, not why i do it, but itself. She doesnt judge me in any shape or form. Lifetime friends are brilliant to have.
    When i first told my mum, her face was in shock.. when i told my sister/family, same with them. :(
  17. sadgirl2

    sadgirl2 Active Member

    When I told my therapist I just kind of blurted it out. It at least started the discussion. I have found that she has really helped me figure out why I do it. It helps most of the time now when the urges come. Hopefully it will help you too. If it helps, I will be with you in spirit when you tell your T. :rolleyes:

    The worst time for me was when someone from our old church who was very well known saw me at the store. I was reaching out to get something off the shelf and had about 50 cuts on my arm. She could see about two inches of it, and gasped saying on my, what did you do. I just said it was nothing and quickly went on my way. I felt so stupid!
  18. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    I know it was quiet hard for me to finally come out and tell my counsellor that i am a self harmer. but after i told her it was in steps that i told her what i usually do. First i told her abou the cutting (which i have 99.9% stopped) and then after a few more sessions i told her about the majour self harming i do, and still do and that (i break my own bones).

    Some people i feel comfortable with and I just tell them straightout that i am a self harmer and most of them say that they are too but you really have to pick and choose who you tell. Cause i didnt choose right the 1st time i told I now have a strained relationship with someone who used to be a good friend of mine. But she doesnt even call me anymore or write.

    So again pick and choose, but if you really want to tell your counsellor i would adivse you to do so.
  19. AuronT

    AuronT Well-Known Member

    I lie. I say that I've fell down from my bike or something, sometimes I say that I've had a fight with my friends and so on.. though my friends always say "no one can hurt you and make such a clean cut" so well, they know and they want me to confess but hey, as someone mentioned earlier... admitting you are cutting is admitting to urself that ur doing something that's wrong, it's almost as saying "I've comitted a crime" to a police officer.. yes it's hard.
  20. My excuse for the scars on my arm is "the cat attacked me" lol
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