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When I'm suicidal it's like everything around me changes. The world is a different place. There's nothing anyone can say or do to convince me that life is worth living because, in my mind, there is just too much bad to outweigh the good.
I've been told that I use suicidality as a coping mechanism. Because admittedly I don't try to kill myself all of the time. I have never (soberly) tried to kill myself. But it makes sense. Being suicidal gets you through. If I didn't have the option of "one day, if this gets too much, I will kill myself" then I'd go absolutely mad because the depression I go through is the worst thing I've ever encountered in my life.
So yes, to me, I guess, suicidality is a defense mechanism during the darkest points in my life. That's not to say I don't get strong urges etc.
I think you'd know if you were suicidal. Do you want to be dead? You don't have to be actively trying to kill yourself to be suicidal.
Once you're in the territory of contemplating what value there is in continued living, then -> no longer caring if you die accidentally, hoping that might happen, which moves on to -> thinking about timing, researching methods -> actual planning -> etc.
At any point along the way there, you're suicidal. Which step you're on is just an increment of severity.
I can definitely relate to the idea of using it as a defense mechanism. Keeping it in your back pocket as a sort of ejection seat for life. At one point I started going a bit further with that and thought about putting together a package of, um, things, to, ya know, keep at the back of my closet... "just in case". ...that's probably not a healthy thing to do. :unsure:
I totally agree that it's sort of a coping mechanism. Knowing that I have what I need to kill myself safely hidden in my bedroom helps me get through each day. Knowing that if things get too bad I'm prepared helps me.
To me, to be suicidal means that it's just too hard to live.
See that's the thing...there have been plenty of times where I've thought being dead would be easier, but I've never actually tried to kill myself or taken some of the steps (notes, etc.) But I have definitely thought a lot about different ways to do it, and I often feel strong urges toward particular methods. I think I'd personally say I'm suicidal because of the thought I've put in, but I always tell the doctors "No" simply because I don't think that I'd truly act on it/haven't done an extreme amount of planning. Nice answer! :biggrin:
Have to also agree with Kazine. I think most people have considered it at least once in their lives, even if just in passing, but once it becomes something you consider an option, even as a last resort, I believe that would classify you as suicidal. I've been carrying it around since I was 11 years old in varying degrees of severity, but it's never totally gone.
agree with everyone. its like you have been taken to the edge of your pain threshold, something inside has been switched off, you dont see things the same as when "not suicidal", something has changed, its like looking for the light switch in a strange room in the dark.
you dont have to actually make an attempt but if you think about it a lot..yeah i guess you cld be classed as suicidal.
To me it could mean that you are in imminent danger or it could mean you just think about death a lot but don't have any immediate plans. Just because you don't have immediate plans doesn't mean things can't change very quickly and you make a decision... Yes it's a coping mech. but it doesn't mean you're not at risk.
Being suicidal means being unable to see any other solution but suicide to an insurmountable problem.
To be actively suicidal means to have one's thinking be constricted and dissociated. Suicide becomes something one has to do regardless of any other factor, none of which is considered at this point. The only drive is to commit suicide. No amount of support or resources help then, they are totally ignored, not even thought about. The potential pain caused by the attempt is also discounted. Basically, being actively suicidal is thinking and acting out, "I have to kill myself" and absolutely nothing else.
Often it doesn't even feel real, and one dissociates. One might feel he is watching himself kill himself, not actually participating in the act or having any control over what he is watching himself do.
it means that ur tired of trying to cope w the pain and u jus want to die already so u dont have to deal w the pain an the other "challenges" of life................like people who r supposed to be ur friends but treat u like crap instead......or a step dad who treats u the same way as ur so called friends............................................
I am suicidal but I wont tell anybody about just because theres 'danger'(cops, goes ruined place psych ward suicidal)
And I am scared(ive tried times to billions belive me), I know what to do and such it cannot be impossible and seconds later sees a hospital, nurses all that, mess..
You cannot take my words from me(or youll be cutting my tongue for being impolite)Thats a stone, hard, brown beautiful.... I wants to to die really...
But Im scared, its dont and no that, not even this, would you kill your own family, of course not, who said I had one...