What do you think my doctor’s response will be?

[Hopeiseverything]

Hi....I am meeting with my doctor via zoom this week. I have decided that I need to lay it out there to him
that if it wasn’t for my family and my fear of hell, I would do away with myself. I have so much crap wrong with me...autoimmune, anxiety, depression, ocd, etc.....that it is just too much to keep playing this game day after day. I have hurt people and yes, I know they would be even more hurt if I kill myself but I will explain It all in my letters to them. I know I would ruin many lives, not to mention that I really want to live, but this is not living.
No, I do not have a plan..
Any thoughts as to what he may say or suggest? Without a plan would he hospitalize me?
Thanks.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

I don't think they hospitalize unless you're an immediate risk to yourself or others, from what I've heard in the UK at least

 

[GMody]

Is your doc a psychiatrist? He will persuade you not to think of suicide. If he feels you are prone to commit suicide then he may hospitalize you.

 

[Hopeiseverything]

Is your doc a psychiatrist? He will persuade you not to think of suicide. If he feels you are prone to commit suicide then he may hospitalize you.

Yes....he is a psychiatrist. Will he tell my husband .... or is that only if I have a plan?

 

[GMody]

Even if u don't have a plan but if u have intense thoughts about commiting suicide he may tell your husband.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

they're not allowed to do that are they, patient confidentiality?

 

[Lara_C]

Yes....he is a psychiatrist. Will he tell my husband .... or is that only if I have a plan?

Doctors are bound by confidentiality rules, but why are you so against telling your husband how you're feeling yourself, if you don't mind me asking? You say you will explain it all in suicide letters to your loved ones, but wouldn't it be better for them if you told them what you're thinking and feeling now to give them the chance to help and support you? Since its them who would be most devastated by losing you to suicide, don't you think they deserve a chance to help you?

If you need hospitalization to keep you safe, please don't wait until you can't resist the suicidal thoughts. What have you got to lose by asking for help, in hospital if necessary? A good rest and more intensive care, plus the understanding and support of your loved ones, could be just what you need at this point to put you on the path to recovery. Please let others take care of you if you are becoming unsafe @Hopeiseverything

 

[Hopeiseverything]

Doctors are bound by confidentiality rules, but why are you so against telling your husband how you're feeling yourself, if you don't mind me asking? You say you will explain it all in suicide letters to your loved ones, but wouldn't it be better for them if you told them what you're thinking and feeling now to give them the chance to help and support you? Since its them who would be most devastated by losing you to suicide, don't you think they deserve a chance to help you?

If you need hospitalization to keep you safe, please don't wait until you can't resist the suicidal thoughts. What have you got to lose by asking for help, in hospital if necessary? A good rest and more intensive care, plus the understanding and support of your loved ones, could be just what you need at this point to put you on the path to recovery. Please let others take care of you if you are becoming unsafe @Hopeiseverything

Thanks Lara. I know you are correct. Quite honestly, as stupid as it sounds, I am embarrassed at the thought of going to the hospital. No one in my family knows how sick I really am and many may actually find what I considered to be a trauma crazy. Actually, had it happened any time but the week before my sons wedding I would be recovering much faster I am sure. My husband knows I have issues but thinks I should be over them by now. He does not understand the depths of my past and how it has affected my current situation. I have hurt some of my loved ones so I am not sure how supportive some of them may be.
Perhaps someone here could help me create a safety plan for times like this? Thanks

 

[Lara_C]

Please don't let embarrassment deprive you of the help you may need to get better @Hopeiseverything and don't die from fear of the judgement or ignorance of others. You are ill and anyone who truly loves you and is worth you caring about will see this clearly and do everything in their power to save your life and help your recovery if you just stop hiding things and open up to them. Please take that risk and I think you will be glad you did. I can feel your terrible distress and fear as I'm writing this and I just want to give you a huge hug.

For help with making your safety plan, read Freya 's post here: https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/read-this-first-safety-forum.134852/

 

[Holding my breath]

In my experience in the uk they don’t admit you to hospital unless you are psychotic. In fact they offer very little in terms of support. They cannot contact your husband because of patient confidentiality. I’ve had a number of episodes with the police because I’ve been threatening to take my life but each time I was just taken home and told to phone my gp. Even after an attempt once you are physically well they will not keep you in. I used to panic that I would lose control over my life but in fact that’s the last thing they would do. It’s become very clear over time that even the professionals don’t know what to do most of the time. So I wouldn’t worry about being taken in to hospital.

 

[Hopeiseverything]

Please don't let embarrassment deprive you of the help you may need to get better @Hopeiseverything and don't die from fear of the judgement or ignorance of others. You are ill and anyone who truly loves you and is worth you caring about will see this clearly and do everything in their power to save your life and help your recovery if you just stop hiding things and open up to them. Please take that risk and I think you will be glad you did. I can feel your terrible distress and fear as I'm writing this and I just want to give you a huge hug.

For help with making your safety plan, read Freya 's post here: https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/read-this-first-safety-forum.134852/

Thanks Lara. What a kind soul you are. As you know, I cannot forgive myself for some of my actions. This, along with all the crap that has happened to me on top of a debilitating autoimmune disease makes life look less appealing every day. I hold on for I know I would destroy my family yet even most days I don’t care about that. I pray to go naturally but that probably will not happen. I do seem to be on an every other day cycle therefore some days I do have hope. The fact that I was once very ‘normal’, won awards at my job and was a stellar employee makes this that much harder to bear....it’s so foreign to me and has been for 3 years. Thank you for caring,

 

[1964dodge]

they're not allowed to do that are they, patient confidentiality?

they are only allowed to share with the spouses pre-approval