What do you think?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ann, Oct 14, 2007.

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  1. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Ok, I'm gonna try to make my long story short to not bother you too much.
    I'm usually a fighter, but I'm not sure enymore of the reason that makes me fight for.

    I'm a student who had trouble finding her way. I think I have found it now, but my really demanding studies have me to depend on my mother for a financial support. It haves me to cope with the fact that she is a maniaco-depressive person and frightens me to cut her financial help anytime soon. And since I'm having trouble living with what I already have, it keeps me in a state of constant worry.

    I don't think I would be such a dark person if I didn't have the family that I have, but that's what I have and I don't always know how to deal with it.
    I don't have a father. He never loved me and stopped seeing me as soon as he had the chance to (I was 6y/o when they broke up and 12y/o when I last saw him because they continued to have a sexual relationship and my mother used to bring me visit him every now and then (not only when she "needed" to see him but because she wanted me to keep in touch with him)). He was a manipulative person who only liked to tell me how my mother was awful and to tell me that I everything I did wasn't good enough.
    So, I spend my childhood being the perfect daughter to my mother who, like every depressed people, had trouble assuming her life. I used to play the shrink for her and try my best to preserve what I had. I have to specify maybe that she used to beat me from 6 to 12 (when I became to big to be hurt physically I suppose).
    I leave her "home" at 18y/o and I'm living alone for 3 years now. I have a scholarship and I used to work during my free time to assume myself. But this year I can't work because of the school I'm in and I won't have a scholarship for the next 2 years. So, I'm again depending on this mother that sometimes I hate so much.

    I'm not used to talk about me, so this is kind of a premiere for me to tell all of this to so many people. But I just feel like I need an exterior opinion on all of this.
    I don't like to tell my friends about all of my issues, because I don't want them to look a me differently (the people that know my mother or few stuff about my family always look at me in a way I feel unbearable), I wanna preserve the easy laughing ways we may have when we're around each other. And maybe, I don't trust people enough too. I've always been disappointed when I had started trust people, so I'm not giving them too much to put me even downer than I may be.

    PS: If there are some mistakes I'm sorry, English isn't my native language.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2007
  2. Mew

    Mew Active Member

    1) Have you tried talking to the school and explaining your situation? Not necessarily in such detail, but just saying you're in a bit of a financial crunch or something. They might have options you're unaware of.

    2) Is financial aid or getting a student loan an option?

    3) Screw the rules and just work? If memory serves, provided you can show you're short on funds, the school should allow you to work 20 hours a week even if you're an international student in the states or something.

    4) Is there any way you can get the necessary funds from your mom in advance? She may be open to the idea if she's in one of her better moods, assuming she doesn't *really* want to cut you off and she only only threatens to do so when she isn't feeling too great.

    Good luck with your 'way', whatever it is. Been there (briefly) myself and it's great to have a purpose/goal in life :) Um...and if you're talking about your major or whatever, good luck with that too.

    Totally understand the desire not to open up to friends. Even the good ones tend to start acting funny when they have too much info about you that makes them uncomfortable.

    Hope you find a decent solution. Anyway, yeah, good luck and take care :)
  3. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Thank for trying to find me a solution. I guess I'll find a solution for this year and I'll see what I can do for the other ones. I just feel fed up with fighting and this week had been a bad week. I'd just really like to believe that some people really do care about each other and I'd really like to find a shoulder to cry on when I need it... but I really doubt that human beings are able to be sincerly good.
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