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What does intense loneliness mean for you?

#1
Share your experience with it, how you cope with it, how you really don’t cope with it, when does it hit you most, for me probably when I have to go to sleep alone, share how you feel when you are lonely, how your body feels.

I haven’t really felt extremely , fully, deeply, lonely in years. Until now. When my boyfriend and I of almost 3 years , are on a break from the relationship. Investing so much time into someone and then having no contact, no other friends, and feeling utterly unwanted and a lot of other things. Creates this pit of loneliness, of a craving for a hug from someone you want a hug from, the warmth of a person, someones Voice, to be able to turn to someone and know they ll be There for u no matter what. Its all kind of gone now. Loneliness is debilitating, and I’m sure not only for me.
.
As much as it does feel like an endless pit. I know I do have a day even if it’s once a month or once a year, where I can truly feel okay with being with my own self. Just surviving really but , it’s something.
 

Legate Lanius

Will spend less time online, afk 4 a few months
#2
Never had a gf, started feeling this loneliness from the age of 17. I think you'd cope with it in the same way you'd cope with chronic pain of a physical nature. Distraction, delusion and deception. Or actually establish relationships with people but that's lame. I bet it's tougher to lose a good relationship than to never have had one, though, at least initially after the loss. Hope you find good coping strats fam.
 
#3
Never had a gf, started feeling this loneliness from the age of 17. I think you'd cope with it in the same way you'd cope with chronic pain of a physical nature. Distraction, delusion and deception. Or actually establish relationships with people but that's lame. I bet it's tougher to lose a good relationship than to never have had one, though, at least initially after the loss. Hope you find good coping strats fam.
It’s different for everyone for sure but the symptoms kinda stay similar. I feel like distraction is a biggie :// I hope you do too, am here to listen always.
Austė
 

Dante

Took 5 years to learn how to make a custom title.
SF Supporter
#4
I was fine growing up, I never got lonely, I didn't need people, and hugs were uncomfortable and invasive. Leave me alone to do my thing or if you really want to interact, then join me in doing my thing, and I was happy, I did try to be more social as a teenager, partly simply because I knew I should, and partly because being excluded was more noticeable than simply not needing to be included, and I did the dating thing and had friends but it wasnt until 2009, at university, that I started to change.

I had known her for 3 years or so by this point, and I wont say her name, but she was beautiful, mind, body and spirit, she got me to love hugs, which she gave to everybody freely, she was different, she knew who she was and didnt need approval, but she was so willing to give approval to others, just a perfect person. I fell in love with her in 2009, I cant do justice to how that feels, I would have died or killed for her, and im not just saying that, I looked deep into myself and realised, if someone lunged at her with a knife I would have stood in the way, if someone hurt her badly enough I knew that I was capable of murder, she was my whole world, I would and DID put in a weeks worth of difficult work just to make her smile once, the problem was, she only thought of me as a friend, a good friend, but a friend.

I told her how I felt in 2010 (damn I hate 2010, worst year of my life for MANY reasons), and she was really good about it, but also clear she wasn't interested in more. After that was hell, the pain eventually got too much, being around her was like being starving and being allowed to see and smell food, but never eat, you couldn't drag yourself away, but at the same time, you couldn't get any closer. It took me a long time to get over her, to stop dreaming about her, to stop feeling guilty when I thought about trying to get a girlfriend, but I managed in the end, mostly, because after that I felt lonely and I have never stopped feeling lonely.

I long to be around people, any people, I really miss hugs, and most of all, I want more than anything in my life to find someone to love again and who loves me, to let someone into my strange little world and to live for her, to devote my life to her, and start a family with her, because I live best when I live for others, and I work hardest when I work for love. But I am alone, and I have none of the skills necessary to change that, and I'm so convinced I will screw it up or end up in an unequal relationship, not that she wont love me, but that I wont love her, that I'm not capable of that anymore, and that I will end up hurting her the way I know is just too painful to wish on someone, that I am terrified of trying, terrified enough to sabotage anything the second it looks like its going wrong.

So every day when I come home, and every weekend, even before depression started worming its way back in, I would sit down and wish with all my heart that I would not be alone for much longer, and know that I wont get my wish.
 
#6
I was fine growing up, I never got lonely, I didn't need people, and hugs were uncomfortable and invasive. Leave me alone to do my thing or if you really want to interact, then join me in doing my thing, and I was happy, I did try to be more social as a teenager, partly simply because I knew I should, and partly because being excluded was more noticeable than simply not needing to be included, and I did the dating thing and had friends but it wasnt until 2009, at university, that I started to change.

I had known her for 3 years or so by this point, and I wont say her name, but she was beautiful, mind, body and spirit, she got me to love hugs, which she gave to everybody freely, she was different, she knew who she was and didnt need approval, but she was so willing to give approval to others, just a perfect person. I fell in love with her in 2009, I cant do justice to how that feels, I would have died or killed for her, and im not just saying that, I looked deep into myself and realised, if someone lunged at her with a knife I would have stood in the way, if someone hurt her badly enough I knew that I was capable of murder, she was my whole world, I would and DID put in a weeks worth of difficult work just to make her smile once, the problem was, she only thought of me as a friend, a good friend, but a friend.

I told her how I felt in 2010 (damn I hate 2010, worst year of my life for MANY reasons), and she was really good about it, but also clear she wasn't interested in more. After that was hell, the pain eventually got too much, being around her was like being starving and being allowed to see and smell food, but never eat, you couldn't drag yourself away, but at the same time, you couldn't get any closer. It took me a long time to get over her, to stop dreaming about her, to stop feeling guilty when I thought about trying to get a girlfriend, but I managed in the end, mostly, because after that I felt lonely and I have never stopped feeling lonely.

I long to be around people, any people, I really miss hugs, and most of all, I want more than anything in my life to find someone to love again and who loves me, to let someone into my strange little world and to live for her, to devote my life to her, and start a family with her, because I live best when I live for others, and I work hardest when I work for love. But I am alone, and I have none of the skills necessary to change that, and I'm so convinced I will screw it up or end up in an unequal relationship, not that she wont love me, but that I wont love her, that I'm not capable of that anymore, and that I will end up hurting her the way I know is just too painful to wish on someone, that I am terrified of trying, terrified enough to sabotage anything the second it looks like its going wrong.

So every day when I come home, and every weekend, even before depression started worming its way back in, I would sit down and wish with all my heart that I would not be alone for much longer, and know that I wont get my wish.
I want to give you the biggest hug and invite you over to have tea right now, this is all too real and my heart aches for you just as my own aches in the way u described ,, in loneliness . You have worded everything so well, bless you
 

Angie74

Well-Known Member
#12
There's something wrong with me, because I can have lots of interactions with various people, and still feel lonely. I hate my own company, and do everything I can to avoid it. If I could figure out how to escape myself, and be someone else, I would.
 

Gonz

👫❤️🙂💊🚑💀💔😥
#13
It’s like a constant background aching that never quite goes away even when everything else is okay, and spikes when everything isn’t. A feeling that this isn’t the way things are supposed to be. An intense longing for someone I can’t accept is gone forever.
 

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#14
Living life as an asexual is so fucking lonely. I still grow romantic feelings for people but can't do anything about it because everyone needs sex. I want a family so bad but I just have to watch all my friends and family happy with their loved ones
 

Winslow

Siamese Twin
SF Supporter
#15
@Anonymous ID
Interesting that being an Asexual makes you suffer loneliness. Because even though I am an Asexual myself, I don't feel lonely at all. In fact I consider Asexuality an advantage and blessing because it helps me to maintain emotional Non-attachment. Also because I practice Zen Buddhism which teaches me Non-attachment, that is, you don't feel any need for any relationship at all. That way you prevent heartbreak. That is the great lesson of Buddhism.
 
#17
There's something wrong with me, because I can have lots of interactions with various people, and still feel lonely. I hate my own company, and do everything I can to avoid it. If I could figure out how to escape myself, and be someone else, I would.
Mannn ,,, I still always feel utterly alone even with people who are so kind and welcoming, it’s fuckin AaAaaa
 
#18
It’s like a constant background aching that never quite goes away even when everything else is okay, and spikes when everything isn’t. A feeling that this isn’t the way things are supposed to be. An intense longing for someone I can’t accept is gone forever.
ah bub, I’m so damn sorry, I know exactly how this feels (in my personal way) but it’s so tough and the ache is real. I want you to know you’re so strong,, seriously
 
#19
Living life as an asexual is so fucking lonely. I still grow romantic feelings for people but can't do anything about it because everyone needs sex. I want a family so bad but I just have to watch all my friends and family happy with their loved ones
Ah that’s rly tough. I myself am not a highly sexual person, and especially after starting my medication the need for sex is rly practically gone. I feel like that’s the main reason I’ll never be able to have a boy with me for life, the main thought that pops into my head as to why my boyfriend has feelings for someone else is cuz I don’t have the sexuality he wants... it’s tough. It’s rly fucking sad to be this way .
 
#20
@Anonymous ID
Interesting that being an Asexual makes you suffer loneliness. Because even though I am an Asexual myself, I don't feel lonely at all. In fact I consider Asexuality an advantage and blessing because it helps me to maintain emotional Non-attachment. Also because I practice Zen Buddhism which teaches me Non-attachment, that is, you don't feel any need for any relationship at all. That way you prevent heartbreak. That is the great lesson of Buddhism.
This is so eye opening omg, I want to learn this !!!
 

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