What does *really* matter? I thought I was depressed then I came onto this site and I'm even more depressed. All this talk about hugs and kisses and love and breasts and size and ... well it makes me wonder 'cos I'm nearly 40 now, and I've never loved and I've never been loved, and I don't hug and I don't kiss and I really kind of hoped there would be more to life I dunno like art or music or poetry, But now I don't think there is, the only conclusion I can draw is that I've wasted my life and I'm too set in my ways to be able to change things. What I'd really, really like is for someone to say "I'm over 40, and I've never been in a relationship but I've found happiness and contentment in other ways, such as...", but then even if you did I probably wouldn't believe you, I think I just have to accept I've fucked my life up. The thing is how can I understand love? I'm not suicidal but I'm not even sure what love is, when you say that you experience love and are suicidal then I can only conclude that love can't be that great anyway. (Sorry for that I've just come back to edit this 'cos I know it was a really crap thing to say, and I know that there are for more issues involved regarding suicide than the state of relationships etc. but that's just how I feel and it's probably not rational I know) Hmm... I always start these messages with a point to make and then completely lose the point, but anyway, it seems that so many messages here that provide hope relate to your friends, your family, people you met on this site etc. whereas I think the only good reason I have for existing is that I can't find anyone else who would feed my cat for me when I'm gone. (and I know that's going to sound really crap as well) Is there more? Am I making any sense? No? Ok sorry, I'll go now.