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What does *really* matter

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Antiquitie's Friend
What does *really* matter?

I thought I was depressed then I came onto this site and I'm even more depressed. All this talk about hugs and kisses and love and breasts and size and ... well it makes me wonder 'cos I'm nearly 40 now, and I've never loved and I've never been loved, and I don't hug and I don't kiss and I really kind of hoped there would be more to life I dunno like art or music or poetry, But now I don't think there is, the only conclusion I can draw is that I've wasted my life and I'm too set in my ways to be able to change things.

What I'd really, really like is for someone to say "I'm over 40, and I've never been in a relationship but I've found happiness and contentment in other ways, such as...", but then even if you did I probably wouldn't believe you, I think I just have to accept I've fucked my life up. The thing is how can I understand love? I'm not suicidal but I'm not even sure what love is, when you say that you experience love and are suicidal then I can only conclude that love can't be that great anyway.

(Sorry for that I've just come back to edit this 'cos I know it was a really crap thing to say, and I know that there are for more issues involved regarding suicide than the state of relationships etc. but that's just how I feel and it's probably not rational I know)

Hmm... I always start these messages with a point to make and then completely lose the point, but anyway, it seems that so many messages here that provide hope relate to your friends, your family, people you met on this site etc. whereas I think the only good reason I have for existing is that I can't find anyone else who would feed my cat for me when I'm gone. (and I know that's going to sound really crap as well) Is there more? Am I making any sense? No? Ok sorry, I'll go now.
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Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Ziggy it took me till I was 40 before I ever loved someone (Imean really loved them). I didn't know what a wonderful thing it could be. He left me 3 months ago and my heart is busted in two, but would I wish i hadn't ever loved him? NEVER !!!!

The other great love of my life is my son and that love is something inexplicable I love him unconditionally and he's what keeps me alive.

I was quite content before I found true love. My piano, painting, my pets and work were all important to me and gave me a sense of purpose and joy, but when you really love someone that opens doors inside yourself. Even tho it hurts so much when they leave, those doors will never close.

I hope you find someone in your life you can truly love.


Antiquitie's Friend
It's really nice when you say "I hope you find someone in your life you can truly love." but it's not going to happen. I can't let it happen, no matter how much it hurts me, no matter how much sadness and despair it brings me, even if I end up killing myself, I can't let anyone love me. I'm sorry, but I can't elaborate on that further, that's just the way it is.

I just need something else to cling to (let's not even discuss religion) so I think that I'm happy 'cos I play guitar (as Ziggy does) or play computer games and watch anime. But actually I've come to think that maybe my life is about pretending to be happy, because all this talk about realtionships have made me question what it's really about. I've no idea, I actually don't know how I feel most of the time, anyway I'm probably just tired, I've got to get up in 4 hours time so perhaps I need some sleep. Catch you later.
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Staff Alumni
I think a trully happy life is one that is well rounded. Having a relationship is part of the puzzle, but it isnt the complete picture. Quite a few times when Ive complained about my loneliness and being single, ive had married people, and those with long term partners, tell me that its not the magic bullet im looking for. I think I can safely say that having a relationship will open my heart up to a whole new world, but I dont think its going to complete me as it were....theres so much more to life.

Ive lived the bulk of my life in fear, fear of rejection and fear of the unknown, and now as im trying to not let my life be controlled by that fear, I sometimes feel like I want to jump in at the deep end...but that might be a mistake.

In regards to age...you know its one of my pet hangups feeling like I wasted my 20's, I dont think that feeling is ever going to leave me...all I can do is live out the rest of my years the best I can, whether im 33 or 43....there's still a life to be lived. You can still find love at 40...thousands of people do it every day, dont give up on the idea.

Im honestly dont know if you can go through life without any relationships and still feel like there is a reason to live...but im pretty sure people have, given the 6 billion people on this planet.

I think you need expand your horizons more, if you dont want a relationship, really explore other areas of life that might engage your mind, and make you feel like life is worth living.


The need for human relationships is important but don't fall victim to the
"grass is always greener" syndrome.

There are millions of people who easily enter into relationships, but then they experience stormy, contentious, abusive and sometimes even violent episodes.

If romantic relationships ( for example ) were the answer to happiness and fulfillment, then why are divorce lawyers still getting rich ?


Relationships are not the end all be all of this life, I can tell you that I am 23 and I have never been on a date, never kissed a girl, never asked someone out and I have no plans to in the future. I find a lot of what I need for interaction with other people with my friends, I can barley stand them and don’t think I would like to know someone deep enough (or them know me that well) for a true relationship. I've found happiness and contentment in other ways, such as (to steal your own words) Music for one, listen and it can you to amazing places sometimes, it can stir the spirit and calm the soul. I have found a lot of peace in the world around me, its amazing to get away from the cities, the people, all of the technology that invades are daily lives and just watch the clouds come in over the mountains and listen to sway of the threes (A true pity when it will be gone one day). And will I will admit it would be nice to someday have someone to share the experiences with ( I don’t think that person could ever exist for me) I will enjoy it all the same on my own.

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