what does this even mean

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zonenine, May 16, 2010.

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  1. zonenine

    zonenine Member

    Is it suicidal to never stop thinking of suicide? I dont want to die but me and everyone else dying is all I ever think about, every waking moment.I feel this life is torture and I am supposed to kill myself.Am I just crazy?
  2. SeanW

    SeanW Member

    Nope you aint crazy.. I feel that sto, wanting to die and feeling really down but yet somewhat scared of going through with it. I know times get hard but keep fighting.
  3. jabooty

    jabooty Banned Member

    kind of confused....are you just thinking bout death in general??
  4. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    A symptom of depression can be an obsession with death, particularly suicide. It's good to know you aren't so bad off you want to commit suicide, but even so you may want to consider requesting aid from a psychiatrist, particularly if you are under 22 years old, as that's the most common time for mental illness to manifest.
  5. zonenine

    zonenine Member

    Thanks for your replies.I am glad I joined here.My mom killed herself, my two sisters are in deep trouble and near death, and it just such a struggle.They got help and meds every day and hospitalizations for like 20 years each.

    I have never gotten any help, early in life I tried attacking police stations several times to get them to kill me, then I seemed to get better, but the feelings have never gone away.

    Maybe I am just tired of watching it happen to all 3 of them for so long, I dont know.I am also tired of the parts of my brain that tell me I should die, I'm supposed to die, and that I'm wrong for not doing it.I dont believe this stuff, but I cant turn it off.

    I cry every morning by myself watching TV, why am I like this and at the same time life is so good too?
  6. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I hope that you will get yourself some help. Some conditions can be hereditary, and if your family has a history of suicide and depression, it may be that you will need some sort of meds to correct a chemical imbalance or other issue.

    Please take care of yourself. You've been through a heck of a lot, and you deserve to start feeling better.
  7. zonenine

    zonenine Member

    I should be on something I suppose.Strangly, everyone else seems to get help and I always seem ok,Im so tired of being ok, its not ok, the real torture seems to be living through it all not folding up every 6 months like my family and never getting better.

    So I thought that if a person kept going through crisises and functioning anyway eventually it would become easier and commonplace.I went through every paranoid thought and feeling and freak out and thinking the world was against me and thinking its all a joke and everything else I could imagine by myself for 20 years, and I thought I was functional, but I guess Im not.

    I guess I only saw people who mistreat therapy maybe.
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