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What does "to forgive" mean?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Asmoday, May 9, 2009.

  1. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    I really don't know and don't understand what is forgiving. Let's say someone did something bad to you a long time ago, and you say you've forgiven him. What does that mean? Does it mean remembering the incident or him doesn't cause arousel of any emotions in you? What if you can control your emotions and that's why there are no emotions? That would mean you automatically forgive everything. If someone did something bad to me, he apologises and I get over it/forget about it, I would still think that what he did was wrong when I somehow remember it. Come to think of it, I've realised that I've never forgiven anyone in my life. I've said things like "it's ok don't mention it" when people say how sorry they feel about what they did but I never mean it. I mean I never feel any different. If someone did something wrong, it will still be wrong even billions of years later.

    If I'm spending some time with a friend I like and a memory of him doing something bad to comes to my mind, I say to myself "He acted like a stupid jerk that time, but he is generally ok and nobody is perfect" but instead of continuing that sentence with "so I forgive him", I continue "that doesn't change the fact that he acted like a stupid jerk" because either I don't understand forviging or I'm just not capable of forgiving.

    The situation is like this; I can't spell the "r" letter(this isn't just an example, I really can't) and I use w/v instead. I don't know whether it's because some physical problem or because I don't know how to. But no amount of people explaning and describing to me how to spell it works. When it comes to forgiving I feel the same way and it really damages my friendships(and what I feel about my friends) bacause when you spend years with people, they fail you many times no matter who they are because nobody is perfect. I'm not either. But I don't expect being forgiven when I do something bad to someone, because I don't understand what they mean when they say "I've forgiven you" either.
  2. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Forgiveness is knowing what someone did/said was wrong but no longer wanting them to be punished for it. If someone does something to hurt someone and that person forgives them for what they have done, it does not mean that the wronged person will no longer feel anything regarding the incidence if they remember it, but they no longer feel hatred towards the offender and want them to be further punished for what they did. It is almost like saying 'what you did hurt me but it is done now, nothing can change that, so i'm not going to hold it against you in the future'. It is kinda deciding not to dwell on things. Forgiveness doesn't make what happened 'right'.

    It can be very hard to forgive. A person can apologise all they want but if it isn't sincere, or emotions are very badly hurt and trust is lost, it is hard to let it go and move forwards. Personally i think forgiveness comes through understanding. I think if the offender just says 'i'm sorry' and you just want to forget about the whole incidence because it hurts to much to remember it (or you are so good at pushing your emotions down so you can't really feel them), then it isn't the same as forgiveness. Sometimes though it seems easier to just say 'its ok, just forget about it'. I often say this, but don't really mean it, and this allows feelings to fester because the other person thinks you've both moved on. I think forgiveness can be a work in progress. I think in regards to friendship (which were a lot of your examples) you can forgive someone without trusting them fully. I think that has to be earnt.

    I think everyone has the capacity to forgive but i think it can be very hard to do. I also think it is impossible to truly fogive someone else if you cannot forgive yourself.