Hi all. I'm new here, just wanted to introduce myself. But of course this isn't the forum for all smiles, and that describes me. And sorry for the long post. I'm a very lonely guy. I've never really had a real girlfriend. I have few friends. And now that I moved, that has gone down to zero. Suicide has been on my mind for a long time. Not every day, but when things get bad, instead of just relaxing and letting it go, suicide is what pops into my head. It's happened for different reasons in the past, but now it's because of loneliness. I'm insecure, un-confident, love-shy, and very self-conscious. Needless to say, an attractive guy that does not make. My mood changes wildly, almost to the point of being bipolar (although I don't have it). Some nights I'm very depressed and I cry, and other days I'm just neutral. And the cringing, ohhh the cringing. I get these...spasms, almost, that seem to be triggered when I think just how lonely I am. Not painful, but extremely unpleasant. I'm depressed and lonely at the fact that a girl will never enter my life because I think myself fat, ugly, and stupid. I see the media-type guys and think I should just kill myself just because I don't look like that, and I've convinced myself that is the main thing women want. The irony of this post and the chance that women will answer this amuses me, but I'm not dating anyone on this forum. ...Every day for me drags on into the next. They have no meaning. I go to bed late and wake up late. I'm in college, and I do my work and go to my classes with only half-effort, not seeing their importance. If you're going to be lonely your whole life, and never experience love as it should be, really, what point is there to live?