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What else is there?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by justme08, Dec 22, 2015.

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  1. justme08

    justme08 New Member

    So I have health problems, too many to list, but they are all centered around my immune system and rheumatoid arthritis in just about every major joint and my chest. I have been fighting this stuff for about 10 years, last winter I got to the point where I could no longer stand long enough to do my job, after attempting to work through it, I had to quit. I went months without working, sold everything I had to pay bills, then started driving a taxi, which didn't require me to stand so I was good. After a few months of that I got into a car wreck, my fault, it was stupid, but it happened, and I couldn't drive a taxi anymore, on top of that I got a ticket that I couldn't pay and lost my license. I couldn't figure out what else to do so I applied for social security. I can't stand or walk for more than 10 minutes at a time, no lifting, bending, hell I can't even sit upright in a chair for too long before my lower back hurts...I live with family, that after months of not paying rent gave me a 60 day notice to pay or get out about 30 days ago...I knew my SSD decision was coming so I waited.

    Today I got my denial from Social Security, I don't have any place to go, any way of getting there, no Idea what kind of work anyone thinks I can do. The rest of my family has basically been telling me to suck it up and deal with it, because everyone lives with pain, so they aren't willing to help. I have no friends, but I do have about 25 different medications sitting here on my desk...I know I wouldn't wake up and I wouldn't have to deal with this shit anymore...
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I am sorry you are struggling so badly - living with pain is exhausting and demoralising. I don't know what the laws are like in your country but did you have to stop being a taxi driver because you were not allowed to anymore, or because the car wreck made you not want to drive anymore? How hard is it to get your license back?

    Can you appeal the social security decision and get some help from your doctor on how to proceed with that? There are lots of jobs that don't require standing, but I appreciate that they are not always very easy to get. What skills do you have? And what jobs have you done in the past?

    There is always a way forward, just sometimes it is really hard to see for ourselves. I hope you find a way.

    Stay safe and take care.
  3. Nobodydifferent

    Nobodydifferent Well-Known Member

    I have heard social security denies people a lot the first time .. Fight it ..

    I can not say I understand your pain because my pain im sure is no where near yours but I get migraines and people will say oh take a pill it's just a headache your fine ! And I just want to scream .. No one can understand someone else's pain exactly ..
  4. justme08

    justme08 New Member

    I can't drive because I am uninsurable as a taxi driver. I could appeal, but its a year long process. Which I dont have. I was so sure they couldn't deny me the first time going by their standards listed on their website that I didn't bother getting an attorney.
    All of my previous jobs were in construction, factory, loading unloading trucks, and fast food when I couldn't get anything else...none of which I can still do. Much of the problem besides standing is just how often I'm sick and miss work. I usually wake up with a pain in my chest/back that I can only describe as like being stabbed with swords. I'm a big guy and I lay there curled up like a baby in tears because it hurts so bad. I also have nerve damage in my arms which is caused by the arthritis and causes my fingers to feel numb all the time, so any kind of typing or anything is also out of the question.
  5. my sister and i used to fight but when she understood that it made me really upset she stopped but it's harder now because i can't be mad at her and now when i have suicidal thoughts i feel guilty because i'm hurting her
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