I'm not sure how much of this is gonna make sense but here it goes. Today has been pretty bad. I got up and couldn't walk because of what turned out to be a severely sprained ligament in my right foot. so now I'm on crutches. but this is not the real problem. Ever since I can remember I've only wanted to love and be loved back. I mean this in the romantic sense. I seem to find this, and then for what ever reason it never seems to turn out right. Either I am "too much" or get betrayed, or things happen that mess everything up. I know this sounds like the rant that many high school students write (which is not a knock against them at all). however this, at least to me, is different. I have a 2 year old girl who I love beyond anything in the world. And she comes first. So being 24 and unemployed, a single dad, and mentally ill, it feels like I might just not be what most women are looking for. I am a type I bipolar. I am almost always in some state of "up". normally within the controllable range. Unfortunately for me this means that on the rare occasions i do become depressed its a bigger drop then it might otherwise be. So, I don't think I am going to kill myself. But that doesn't seem to stop the desire and ideation. I've been catching myself in the last hour or so thinking of ways to kill myself. Knowing I have a daughter and what it would do to her is keeping me here. but its a cycle almost because i feel worse then i did before for having these thoughts. which makes me want to kill myself. which makes me feel guilty/worse and so on. I hate feeling like this. While i am fairly certain i will not be killing myself tonight, it doesn't really make me feel any better, quite the opposite in fact. if anyone actually decided to reply to this... do me one favor. PLEASE don't bring up that i need to not do it because of my daughter. As I can say with certainty that won't do one bit of good. In fact it will do the opposite.