what even

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Calleo, Sep 20, 2012.

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  1. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    I guess this is another "I'm actually gonna do it this time, holy sh1t".
    This week. I don't have any more time.

    I can't decide if I regret this last month or not. I guess it doesn't matter, can't change the past anyway.
    Getting dumped was really the last thing I needed to prove that I'm really not good for anything.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is a tough situation but you have not given yourself time to decide with clear mind if this is fair to yourself - take tiem and think - and consider professional help so you know you tried everything available.

    :hug:

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    HA HA HA

    TIME

    TIME

    REALLY

    I only wish I had time.

    And if I could afford proffessional help then we wouldn't be having this conversation.
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Why are you short on time Calleo?
    I am sorry that your relationship ended, it is always a hard time.
     
  5. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    I don't want to answer that here.
     
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I am almost 52. Do you have shorter time than me? I thought I was one of the older folks here. Do you have me beat? As far as professional help, do they not have a system in Europe that is sliding scale, low, or no cost? In the USA you can apply for assistance and obtain free medical/mental health if you qualify. I imagine there may be something such as that there. Time does heal all wounds, but you have to give yourself that time.
     
  7. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    It's not about age. It's not about my mental health. I'm not depressed. Frankly I'm so sick of people telling me to go see a therapist and think they're being helpful. I need to prioritize properly. Sure, probably everyone could make use of a therapist visit but it's not in the top of my to-do list right now. I'm more concerned about whether I'll have any food to eat next week, whether I can stay functional enough to work and try to take care of myself.
    And this same sh1t has been going on for months and months, I was here with the same issue last year. I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to be needy and on the edge all the time. I really just want this to stop, even if I have to kill myself.
     
  8. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I only wish I had time.

    And if I could afford proffessional help then we wouldn't be having this conversation.


    You do have time, it is your choice, I have read every post and thread you have done since coming here, if the last year none has changed then only you are limiting your time at this point


    I don't want to answer that here.


    Your prerogative of course - but if you do not care for the advice you are given then more detailed information would likely make it more tailored to be of use to you


    It's not about age. It's not about my mental health. I'm not depressed. Frankly I'm so sick of people telling me to go see a therapist and think they're being helpful. I need to prioritize properly. Sure, probably everyone could make use of a therapist visit but it's not in the top of my to-do list right now. I'm more concerned about whether I'll have any food to eat next week, whether I can stay functional enough to work and try to take care of myself.
    And this same sh1t has been going on for months and months, I was here with the same issue last year. I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to be needy and on the edge all the time. I really just want this to stop, even if I have to kill myself.


    If it is about suicide it is about your mental health , and a very very large amount of this has to do with your age as well. Prioritize? If you think staying alive is not a priority then likely you need to rethink and re-prioritize. If time is such an issue than other problems such as work and eating take a back seat to mental health and living. Rather than thinking the best way to stop this is to kill yourself consider the best way to stop this is to get help - either from professionals, from charitable agencies, or by saying what your actual problems are here so hundreds of people with far more experience in dealing with both life and similar problems can give you help rather than try to guess and be told they are making bad guesses. If you just wish to vent that is very reasonable, just say so. It would apply to most all of your posts in the last year where lots of people have tried to help but you simply reject without consideration. Trying listening and considering if you want your situation to change.
     
  9. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    Are you mad at me or something?

    There's nothing that anyone here can do for me. So yeah, I guess I am here just to vent, or to drive the point home to myself that I'm really this close to suicide.

    Thanks for reading my posts and bothering to write this reply, I appreciate it.

    "If time is such an issue than other problems such as work and eating take a back seat to mental health and living." -- What do you think I live on? Love and air? Of course I need food to live, jesus h christ.

    I'm going on a date today with some guy, just for the free dinner. I don't want to be this person who does things like that.
    I want to be this person who has some provable and respectable skills and gets hired for them. Like I said, I was working on that and made progress but I'm out of time. I can't even afford the basic necessities for myself.
    I'm so sick of being useless.
     
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Are you mad at me or something?

    Last thing in the world that I am is mad at you. I am very concerned about you and how you are doing. Silly as it may be this comprises my attempt at still having value, and I genuinely care about all that post on here and their well being. As well as food I hope you have a few laughs tonight and are able to have a few moments of distraction from a stressful situation.
     
  11. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    I cancelled the date.

    At home crying and pining after my boyfriend.

    I really don't think I can handle this.
     
  12. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

  13. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    Crisis averted.

    But I'll probably be back here whining in like ten days, if not sooner.
     
  14. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    "Whine", vent, let out steam, etc as much as you possibly can here.

    That's what this forum and its members are exactly for. :)
     
  15. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    :hug: s to you Calleo, we're all here to help each other so please do vent as much as you need on here :hugtackles:
     
  16. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    Nevermind. I really just want to die now.
     
  17. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    I wish I could help you. You need to be with people who care and support you right now. If that's not possible then reading, eating and exercising might help a bit. Just try to survivie, one day at a time.
     
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i too hope you have a good time out with your friend. Circumstances can change i come from proverty and somehow with effort i was able to break that cycle You can just step outside that comfort zone your in try something different hun I don't know do something that brings you joy that use to bring you joy going for a walk cost nothing
    Listening to music writing painting hiking do something that will get y ou outside those dark thoughts and bring in some light hun

    Reread everything the support that people have given you and are giving you hun and do something for YOU Make a change small changes lead to bigger ones hun h ugs
     
  19. Calleo

    Calleo Well-Known Member

    I can't even imagine anything (realistic) that would make me feel better or make me reconsider things at this point. I feel like the absolute worst.

    I've finally accepted for good that I'm never getting back with the guy, I wouldn't even try to try anything if he talked to me again. I still had some hope before that we could work things out, but now I don't even want him back. It's over.

    Everything else is over too, I'm completely at the end of my rope here. Currently planning to wait til Monday night at least.

    Guys, I really appreciate the replies but I feel like you mainly focus on getting me to FEEL better, like, selfishly. I don't need to feel better, I need to BE better. I totally understand that feeling better plays a huge part in being more motivated and becoming better, but that alone isn't enough. I'm all out of any realistic/practical options to try. And frankly I'm tired of trying, this has lasted long enough. I don't want to be this person.

    I've never been so sure as I am now.
     
  20. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Just the fact that you want to wait until Monday night means you still have this flame inside of you that makes you want to keep on living. You haven't completely given up just yet, because you probably would have just attempted already. Its a good thing you haven't.
    I hope you can try to keep that flame alive and not let it be consumed by the darkness.

    Feeling better may just be the first step in moving forwards to actually becoming better. Just like I feel that my depression is so bad, it keeps me from improving my circumstances in life that feed that depression and make me suicidal. Its a very vicious cycle that I am depressed because I am a "loser" and I sit around and do nothing and perpetuate my "loserdom" because of my depression.

    I feel that taking medication and visiting mental health professionals (which I have the time and money to do) is a waste of time because my depression has convinced me of it. I have gone to them several times and tried different medications but just gave up after a few pills and visits. I am being "forced" to go once again later this month and am counting on just visiting that doctor twice or thrice at the most before giving up again. Maybe this visit will be different from all the others. But I know you mentioned earlier that seeking out a mental health professional is not an option for you at all.

    But maybe, I need to push forwards and continue with talk therapy and medicine to just get happy and motivated enough to get off my butt and then actually make progress towards maybe getting into a relationship, a better job, hobbies, etc. and the momentum will keep me on a road to recovery. I hope there is one small thing, or a step you can take to get the ball rolling and get you on a road to further happiness and recovery, rather than further spiraling down into darkness which depression is very proficient at making us do. :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2012
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