what everr I done was evil

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jan 23, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    What do I have to do to be safe, to be able to walk the streets, go to work what ever just to be safe.

    There must be something about me that keeps atttracting men who just want to hurt women, children. I'm sick and tiered of it, I can't take anymore. The guy at work, the men who sexually attacked me last year, the guys who ra*ed me as an adult, the things that ase*ualy ab*sed me when I was younger. it doesn't stop, even today it continues to happen not to the same level as when I was a child but its still happening.

    I don't know what I done wrong, but it must have been evil to continue to get punished. If I live i'm punished. If i die I will find peace.

    I won't ever feel safe. I won't ever be safe. I'm going doctors and getting sleeping tablets to help me sleep..they should send me to sleep forever, at ,least I hope they will. I have to, I have to get this right. I cna't do anymore. my counsellor is off, I'm alone. there's nothing left of me.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please lost child, don't give up hope hun. I'm sorry for all of the horrible things that those sadistic men have done to you throughout your life, but there are some nice guys out there. There still are guys who are caring and loving. Don't give up.
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    i've not meet any nice man. I don't have any hope left, there's ntohing left. nothing.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm a really nice guy, so that's one at least. :)
  5. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I myself am male and I know I can't possibly say I know how you feel and have it be true.

    But I will say that you can't go blaming yourself. Nobody deserves to be raped. You didn't do anything wrong. There are just people who look for victims everywhere they go. You just have to be careful and don't trust just anyone.

    But I can tell you there are good men. Just don't be fooled by a friendly face. Most people who are looking for someone to victimize know how to appear friendly and harmless. Slowly build yourself a network of friends you know you can trust. Start with other women. Surround yourself with people who won't let other people hurt you. Keep in touch with your friends. Let them know how you're feeling. Victimizers won't mess with people with a strong social network. And if they do, it's more likely that some of your friends will help you make sure they don't get away with it.

    Be strong. You can do it.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey lost_child, remember what we were talking 'bout the other day? this is the emergency stage... and it will pass with time. just find a safe place and hide there. your therapist will be back in 2 weeks, right? RAINN chat is open and they understand. hang in there.
  7. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Sorry for all the pain you went through. Guys can be such pigs.
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