What future is there.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by colslax, Jan 5, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. colslax

    colslax Member

    After 5 and a half years in college, I've finally failed out. I'm going to end up 18 credits shy of graduation. I just couldn't get it done. My parents will know for sure soon.

    But I've always been raised that if I didn't get a bachelors degree, I was worthless. Thanks to a medical condition (hydrocephalus), I need to have health insurance for the rest of my life, and that requires a semi-decent job, something I don't know I can get with what I have.

    So I don't see an end at the light of the tunnel right now. I don't know how I could face my parents again. Or my grandparents. Or my brother. They all just look at me and say 'we could do it, why can't you?' And a life of being seen as less worthy of anything is not a life I'm sure I want to go through with.

    It wasn't until recently that I mentally sorted through and felt ok with ending this. But I've reached that point. Someone, please give me something to hang on to. For the past few months I've been hanging on my love of college football, but the season is soon to close. Sad, but that one thing I can converse with so many people about and hold my own. But that knowledge does me no good with out a bachelors degree.

    I don't know how much longer this rope will hold.
     
  2. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    I am glad that you have come here to post and be part of our community... I think being part of this community is something to hold onto if nothing else, there is alot of support here and people in need of support.. May I ask what it is that you were studying for in school? and were there any precipitating events leading up to your dropping out?
     
  3. colslax

    colslax Member

    Studied Public Relations. As far as dropping out, my grades just continued to slip, I finally couldn't hold them above the necessary level any longer.
     
  4. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    What would you say it is the depression you are feeling that contributed mostly to your slipping grades?
     
  5. colslax

    colslax Member

    I think that has a play in it. I am also working a fair amount, which I'd love to cut back on, but I need the money to keep a roof.
     
  6. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    Money seams to be a huge culprit in these scenarios hey.. our society seams to be slowly burning its people out by overwork
     
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The only reason I can give you to keep holding on is that as long as there's life, there's hope.:smile: If you stay alive things can change for the better but once you're dead that's the end of it. I understand how you're feeling and I'm sorry your family pressures to "succeed" are so intense. I agree that if you're depressed it could lead to a drop in ambition or ability to concentrate, which could lead to a drop in grades. Please consider professional counseling and medication, as the combination can work wonders to keep depression 'manageable' and not so overwhelming. Sending you love and hope for better days.:smile:

    least
     
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Wow I am sorry, I know how hard college is myself. The amount of work and time it takes it tremendous. But I always stuck to the idea that "Cs get Degrees". And I am graduating this May, hopefully. ^^;; sorry I am just kind of hyped about it.

    As for your family saying "We could do it why can't you?" I say "FUCK YOU" I have heard that all my life, and I am the oldest child on my moms side. I have always held a general gpa of 2.5-.2.7 And I have never done any better despite my efforts. Remember you are you and not your mom dad or brother. Some of us just cannot do what others can.

    As for a semi-decent job. Well most places will not take you with out a Bachelors. I wish I could tell you something. But I cannot, all I can say is try and stick it out. Try and get back into college and try again, the worst that can happen is that you have a shitload of debt, which would happen either way right? Or suck in your pride and ask your family for help. I mean I plan on disowning my family myself. But maybe your family is more compassionate than me.
     
  9. colslax

    colslax Member

    Well, they know now. My mother just kept asking me, "What's going on?" If I could just get them to accept that I am ok, and will be ok. But I know they won't and don't. I know they're just going to yell and scream. And just look down on me.

    The next 12 hours will determine a lot for my life, however long that is.
     
  10. Jungr

    Jungr Active Member

    Colslax,
    even though college is beyond me - as of now - I can't fully sympathize with you. Whenever we are destructive we are protesting against our specific role or place in life. The real pain must be the 5+ years spent in college where you directed your life to the opposite of your wishes.

    The real issue here is that a bachelor degree would have given you the possibility of leaving the institutionalized world where you are medicated and where you have to answer to your parents. The college degree would have ended that, ridding you of the shelter, of all that is safe to you.

    You don't fear failing, you fear the unsafe world outside, the "dog eat dog" culture that is America.

    PS. I second Forgotten_Man's imperative.
     
  11. Erika

    Erika Account Closed

    So what happened? Did you talk to your family?
     
  12. colslax

    colslax Member

    Yes, I talked with them. I talked with them again today, and they seem better about it in some fashion. I can still hear disappointment in my mother's voice. My dad however seems like he's set his opinion of me for the rest of my life: complete doesn't care. I know my mom bill's it as he's ok with me making my decisions, but it really feels like I could tell him I won the lottery or overdosed on something, and his tone and reaction would be nearly the same.

    And somehow, I'm relieved because of it. Just the fact that they didn't disown me for being out of school is better than I thought it would go.

    I'm looking at the coming months as a positive. I can get my financial situation in order, heck, I can get a decent paying job. It won't be glamorous, but it'll pay the bills. I'll be able to figure out what and where I want to go in life from here.

    I feel like I'm turning a corner. Thank you so much for this forum to provide a place for me to let my emotions out without fear of judgement. Thanks.
     
  13. Erika

    Erika Account Closed

    You welcome.
     
  14. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to see that their reaction wasn't as bad as you had thought and I'm glad for now you have a positive outlook, I just hope things can keep getting better for you. You and I and all of us are unfortunate to live in this dog eat dog society where you can be automatically branded a failure for dropping out of college but of course, you are far from alone in your situation, I am sure there are many in your exact very same situation so don't feel too bad.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.