What gives them the right?

[itmahanh]

What gives professionals and agencies the right to promise to offer help but do the exact opposite. One agency is doing like all the others have.... trying to rid themsleves of me by throwing me out to another agency. Mytherapist had me in tears by the time I left today. My new pdoc, hasnt even contacted me yet. But when I saw my gp last month he asked how the sessions with the pdoc were going? I didnt even know he had accepted me as a new patient and to date havent heard a word from him. One agency has completed destroyed my 15 year old's self worth and esteem. They have allowed him more power than the adults and now want me to take him in and "fix" their mistakes.

What gives others the right to keep using me? Am I really that insignificant. That miniscule? That unworthy? I cant play the games anymore. They have taken too much out of me. And frankly, I dont have the will power to keep trying for myself, let alone to try and satisfiy all these other people. I dont even know if I have the rights to say the things I have. The only right I see myself having is to quit. I am going to and it will be nothing special. Just like me. But it will be over with.

 

[total eclipse]

i will never give these people that power over me i will never i hate professionals well not all of them but most games they play make anybody want to scream I would get your gp to phone pdoc and see when you appt is C okay see if you can get on cancellatin list so you can get in earlier hugs

 

[cloudy]

i'll kick your case worker and pdoc's ass if you want me to.

 

[IV2010]

i'll kick your case worker and pdoc's ass if you want me to.

and I will help!

I am in the 'system' too hon and finding more and more that we have to be assertive and stand up for ourselves because they don't know all they think they know..
if you can find the strength I hope you can chase that pdoc for an appointment asap...
:hugtackles: we hear you hun..stay with us

 

[Terry]

Get onto your caseworker and make them get off their lazy butt and sort this out. :rant:
Why the hell are you having to sort out their mess?
Tell em to shift their arses and get onto the doc...lazy bloody sods GRRRRR

 

[Sadeyes]

Get on the phone and tell them as you have posted here...it is enough and you should not be treated this way...especially you, someone many of us care about...big hugs and let me know if you need Brooklyn to give them a little a** whipping...J

 

[itmahanh]

God please, please, please no one take this the wrong way. I appreciate all your suggestions and kind words. But I dont have in me what it takes to fight these people anymore. I dont have the energy to get on my caseworker's ass. I have been for years and for nothing. I dont know how to be assertive anymore without others thinking I'm being rude or demanding. I'm too tired and used up to fight for me anymore. I've spent a lifetime being told who I am, what I am ,what I can or cant say, what opinion I'm allowed to have. And if I went against those things I was severelly abused. I guess that's what I'm hoping that seeing these professionals will do for me. Guide me, lead me back to the person I used to be that would fight and stand up for herself. But none of them want to take on that responsibility. I'm not saying I want them to do these things for me but rather to do these things with me. Help me get back on my feet. But I'm constantly told "you know how to do this" or " I cant teach you or show you how, you just have to know". How else do I tell them or show them I need help? Or am I completely dumb like they all seem to make out I am?

My session went very badly with my therapist again yesterday. He sat and told me how he procrastinated with a very important event in his life recently. And I listened. He told me how he "learned" from the experience but knows in a similiar situation he would do it again. But when I tried to relay the same message, he made me feel like a small child that was being scolded for being oh so wrong. I found myself feeling like I was being cornered, as if it was my ex in the room lecturing me once again. I didnt realize til after the session that I had been digging away the skin on my arm while the therapist was talking to me. I have a huge gouge in my arm where the skin was peeled away to the raw flesh beneath. And I feel completely defeated. Once again completely misunderstood. And I had such high hopes with this fellow. He had been where I was. And he was able to pull himself free. That's all I want. For him to "teach" me what he learned. Why am I so different? Why am I supposed to "know" all this? Why doesnt anyone want to help me? And when I "help" myself by overdosing or slashing my wrists in an attempt to end all of this shit.... I'm still wrong!!!!! Idont know what else to do!!! PLEASE SOMEONE JUST HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[doityourself]

Hi there, Im sorry your having such a hard time,

The thing is most of us learn at differant paces, and what helped him may not help you.

Therapist think they know everything because one thing that is taught to them is never show your feelings, they are taught to keep thier feelings out of it. I think it should be the other way around, maybe if they could show us that they actually care, maybe cry a few tears, show some kind of compassion, then it wouldnt be so hard to keep opening up and coming back to them.

You have such a huge heart, and Im sorry to see you hurting like this, but you have to dig deep down and bring up that girl that wants to kick some butt, to make yourself better, and it may be your own butt your kicking, and thats okay we all need it every now and then.

Kick your own butt for letting them get to you like this, kick your own butt for saying what you do about yourself, kick your own butt for thinking that your going to give up.

Hugs and hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

 

[icequeen]

hi...sorry to hear the crap you have been put through..and it sounds like your last appt your therapist was using you for therapy!!!

fighting is hard and draining and it does sap you particularly so if you emotionally drained as well. there is no easy fix..all i can suggest is get a few good nights sleep..simple but effective, it will give you the mental edge that you are lacking right now...

you dont need to fight..just pick up phone and ask the simple question...when am i seeing xxxxx dont make it a battle...tell them you are on the edge and need to know. failing that just go back to your gp and tell him what you have told us...let him fight for you, you really shouldnt have to.
i am guessing you are exhausted in many ways..and that affects how you see things and think which is why i suggested first of all a good sleep, it will give you a little bit of battery power to go on a bit longer.

failing that...i too would enjoy a bit of kicking ass :outcold:

 

[itmahanh]

Thank you icequeen and doityourself for your replies. I'm feeling so defeated. And it isnt a safe place for me to be right now. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me :arms:

 

[herenow]

are these "people" even human? You were hurting yourself and he didn't stop you? How on earth can you keep yourself from "showing your feelings" when someone's suicidal, hurting themselves, etc...they basically have to take all the empathy away. I'm sorry it's going so bad for you...I'm sure not all therapists are like that, maybe you will eventually find someone who will help you.