I haven't really slept in 4 days (something like 6 hours in 4 days..whee!) When I can't calm, I self-calm by thinking about it. How I'd do it, bargain with myself. So something new that has started to come up is "I wonder what would go through my mind the seconds before" So what do you think, or if you've tried, what did go through your head in the moments that you were playing Chicken with Death? My scenarios mostly envision that you have only a few seconds/maybe minutes to have these thoughts...so none of these "whoops...messed up my method, and now I'm in the hospital and don't know if I'll make it" kind of thoughts. Things that I *think* would go through my head (or variations thereof): "Oh Sh!t" "This better work" "This better not hurt (too bad)" "Well this was a dumb idea"