What happened to me a few months ago

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Yiouka, Nov 12, 2011.

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  1. Yiouka

    Yiouka Active Member

    So... I will try to tell about what happened a couple of months ago.. It is hard for me since I have never really expressed my feelings about this all. I was scared... Afraid people would judge me... Well, here we go..
    A few months ago I had to go somewhere. It was not very far away, like half an hour by car, but I did not have anyone to bring me. So I already decided to walk. But then my neighbour (also one of my best friends) offered me to bring me by a friend's car. I accepted and so we drove to my destination. But halfway on the highway he started touching in inappropriate parts. I told him to stop but he didn't stop at all. Instead of just driving me to my destination he stopped the car and eventually he raped me. I got out of the car and walked back.
    I thought that was it. But later I found out he got me pregnant... I never expected that and I was so scared... I told him about it and he wanted me to do an abortion... But that was not what I wanted! I didn't want to kill my child.. Some people can never have the chance to get a baby and I would feel very guilty to kill this little innocent baby. I didn't get it in the way I wanted to get pregnant, but he or she cannot help it.
    I decided to let the baby be adopted right after I will give birth. If I haven't seen the baby, I think it will be easier to give it away... It's hard, but I cannot give the baby the live he deserves..
    I feel really bad about the raping and a little guilty too... I don't know why, but still... I'll be having my baby in April or May (2012), and I'm scared no one wants to have him because of the way he's "made"... I talked to several families and yes, that was some ofthe reasons they rather wanted to look for someone else.. I can understand it though.. It's hard.. You have to tell the kid he or she is adopted and then you have to tell them they got on earth because of a raping..
    I feel alone.. But maybe there are people here who can understand me.

    Love,
    Yiouka
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What you have done is a giving act. This is by no means a judgement about abortion, because I think the decision is a very private and personal act. But you had the conviction to live your choice. I am sure there are many people who will want your baby. When a couple is childless, they want nothng more than a child. As you know the father of the child, his medical history can be known. This is usually the barrier to adopting a child when the mother was raped. You and your child were the victims and have nothing to feel ashamed of. Also, have you persued the perp? At the very least, if he is not prosecuted by the law, he should be mandated to receive treatment...in any case, it was very brave of you to share your story...and hope your are receiving services for the horrific thing that was done to you
     
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Yiouka , sorry so very much you were raped and molested by someone who you thought was a friend. like Sadeyes said there will be some good future parents who will want your kid as theirs.. many out there that cannot get pregnant and really do want a child..

    have you reported this perpetrator to the law enforcement people??? if no i realize personally just how hard this maybe to do but it is really necessary to stop this person from ever doing this again.. if finding this something you are not able to do yet, maybe you should talk to a professional counselor first.. this counselor may really help you with all kinds of things that this kind of abuse causes..

    wish you and your child well... best wishes hon, Jim
     
  4. Yiouka

    Yiouka Active Member

    Thank you both for your reply..
    Answer to both of you: I haven't really report him, but the police knows about what happened. He will not get in jail, but they made a note of it. He was still trying to contact me but I quitted all our contacts since I want to be a better person for my child, even if I will be giving him/her away.
    About the adoption, I thought people wouldn't be that choosy.. I mean, of course they want to have a sweet kid, but mine can also be great. Hopefully I'll find the right family. And as you say, we know the dad, so actually that's something good though..
    Thank you for your understanding and message.


    Love,
    Yiouka
     
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    You really have nothing to feel guilty about. I think it will probably take some time for you to heal… it might help you to keep in mind that what you're feeling now is normal for anyone who has been through what you've been through, and it will get better for you in time.

    I don't really know what else to say other than I hope you find someone to take your baby… and good for you for being so strong about having her/him in the first place. It sounds like an awful lot to deal with and you should be proud of yourself for handling the situation according to what you believe.

    I'm sure that there's a family out there who will accept your baby… but whatever is meant to be is what's going to happen-- what's important is that you stay strong so that you can handle whatever you need to handle for the good of your child... and yourself as well!

    Good luck Yiouka!
    :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2011
  6. Yiouka

    Yiouka Active Member

    Eventhough you don't know what to say, thank you for replying. I really appreciate that. I hope I will find a family who will accept my baby.
     
  7. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Heh… I changed my reply when I thought of something.
    Good luck again!
     
  8. Yiouka

    Yiouka Active Member

    thanks <3 I'll try not to feel guilty anymore..
    Hopefully I will succeed.
    Thanks though! :)
     
  9. queensfilmer

    queensfilmer New Member

    why didnt the cops do anything about this guy?
     
  10. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    You don't need to feel guilt at all. You have gone above and beyond to do the right thing. I'm not sure if I would be able to do the same in your shoes. I can tell you are a genuinely good person and you should be proud of that. I'm sure someone will want your baby and I commend you for making the choices you have.
     
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