what happened

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by zakeeya, Dec 10, 2007.

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  1. zakeeya

    zakeeya Member

    basically as some people know I'm new to this forum and this is my first proper post.

    From when I can remember I've never had the happiest Childhood. I am aged 18 now but it goes way back.

    My mother is known for her Mood swings, if thats what I want to call them. She is extremely nice and kind and sweet to everyone in this world. she will go out of her way to help them and so forth. However when it comes to my relationship with her- this is not the case. I am known for not being very academically bright. I have memoriesof trying to learn spellings and everytime I'd get wracked around the head with a mug. I also have memories of her hitting me with a vacum cleaner metal tube and me just sitting there crying. I was 8 at the time. This as many people know is appaling.

    I as a result of years of this-it still continuing now have very little self esteem and have severe depression. I often believe that I deserve it and often find myself asking by boyfriend to hit me if i do something wrong. I know he will never do this but I feel like I deserve it. I also get flashbacks which terrify me, even when I am away from home.

    I would cut my ties but the sorry state of affairs is that I need to be at home. I have nowhere else to go. In the holidays I cant hop from friend to friend and my mum wants me to be at home. however I hope one day I do leave and tell my mum all of my thoughts before I do and never return..

    Ia m often told I am useless and a mistake- I believe this yes but I still want to help people as much as I can as people do not deserve any form of hurt like this .

    err yeah thats it- you dont need to reply but I guess..yeah.

    I'll be posting aorund about so err yeah. :)
  2. zakeeya

    zakeeya Member

    no comments at all?
  3. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    The fact that you said you didn't need replies probably meant that people didnt reply because of that. Also, from experience, the Domestic Abuse forum is one of the more quieter forums on this site.

    That said, no one's useless. Some parents suck. But you can't choose your family, or change the past. You can however, change the future to make it more positive by doing stuff now to help it.

    Welcome to the forum.

  4. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hello zakeeya and welcome to Sf, sorry for the late reply. Have you been to see your doctor about the depression, if not perhaps this is something you could consider. If you had some help with the depression then you would be in a better position to tackle the other problems in your life.
    I agree that no-one should be treated as you have been, have you thought about counselling?
    You are 18 now, are you working or still in education, you are at a point in your life where you can begin to make decisions about what you do, where you live etc, your adult life is in front of you, it does not have to be like your childhood, you are in charge now!
    Yes, you can do this!

    Take care Hazel x
  5. magic1

    magic1 Active Member

    Dear Zakeeya, what made me click your screen name was your username. My aunt's named Zakeeya.
    I know EXACTLY what you're going through. though I am two years younger and am not allowed out of the house. I go to school and come home. I hada one week break and it's terrible. I don't know what to do at hime. theres nothign to do. i have to hide to read and sneak on the computer otherwise im walking and sting like a couch potato. its horible. i wish someone could rescue me allthe time. take me away. i know exactly how you feel.
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