Everyday, every night for the past 2 years. Actually 2 years and a couple of months my life has turned into a nightmare. I was on this forum before and almost carried out suicide. I have epilepsy, temporal epilepsy, which is a really sucky thing to have. I didn't end up killing myself because I ended up in the hospital from drug withdrawl, thanks to bad psychologist. Then I ended up in a psyche ward. I came out of the hospital with some high hope. Some hope of getting better and feeling the world like I used too. I cannot feel half of my physical sensation I used too. I cannot feel like I used too. I am no longer myself. I loved my life. I loved waking up and going to work. Going to school and hanging out with friends. Living like any person in their earlier 20's should. Then it all just stopped. I cannot stop dwelling on what I used to have. I feel like throwing in the towel everyday because I remember how amazing things should be and could've been. Over 2 years of my life ruined from misdiagnosis and no medicines do anything for me. I just feel like permanent damage has happened from all the seizures. I don't want to be stuck like this anymore. I try not to be negative but the suffering gets so unreal I wish I would die. When I go to sleep I pray I die. I have one stable person in my life who has been there for me so much. I am grateful for her but I still need to be able to have happiness that comes from me. And even doing anything that made me happy is pointless in my mind. I took everything for granted when I was healthy, I would give anything to just experience one day of my real self. I am living in the shadows every single day. Last time I was a skip away from ending my life and one of the few things that saved me were people on this forum. I really need to talk to someone. Someone who knows how this feels. Because I can't trust myself any longer and going back to the psyche ward is no longer an option.