What happened

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by house_atraides, Sep 29, 2011.

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  1. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    Everyday, every night for the past 2 years. Actually 2 years and a couple of months my life has turned into a nightmare. I was on this forum before and almost carried out suicide. I have epilepsy, temporal epilepsy, which is a really sucky thing to have. I didn't end up killing myself because I ended up in the hospital from drug withdrawl, thanks to bad psychologist. Then I ended up in a psyche ward. I came out of the hospital with some high hope. Some hope of getting better and feeling the world like I used too. I cannot feel half of my physical sensation I used too. I cannot feel like I used too. I am no longer myself. I loved my life. I loved waking up and going to work. Going to school and hanging out with friends. Living like any person in their earlier 20's should. Then it all just stopped. I cannot stop dwelling on what I used to have. I feel like throwing in the towel everyday because I remember how amazing things should be and could've been. Over 2 years of my life ruined from misdiagnosis and no medicines do anything for me. I just feel like permanent damage has happened from all the seizures. I don't want to be stuck like this anymore. I try not to be negative but the suffering gets so unreal I wish I would die. When I go to sleep I pray I die. I have one stable person in my life who has been there for me so much. I am grateful for her but I still need to be able to have happiness that comes from me. And even doing anything that made me happy is pointless in my mind. I took everything for granted when I was healthy, I would give anything to just experience one day of my real self. I am living in the shadows every single day. Last time I was a skip away from ending my life and one of the few things that saved me were people on this forum. I really need to talk to someone. Someone who knows how this feels. Because I can't trust myself any longer and going back to the psyche ward is no longer an option.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you are reaching out here hun lots of people who do understand and do care hun so keep posting okay hugs to you
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Wecome back!! I don't know much about epileptcy but wanted you to know that I read your thread and I hope that someone here will talk with you about it..Take Care,,
     
  4. passingthrough

    passingthrough Active Member

    Temporal lobe epilepsy is indeed an awful thing to have, and unfortunately it is known to be linked to depression. I don't know how long you've had it, or whether your neurologist and psychiatrist have been working together, because the two conditions are linked and it needs a coordinated approach. (I work in a complex epilepsy service, so I really do get it).

    Keep posting, people here get it and know how you feel even if they don't have the added complication of epilepsy.

    Stay safe.
     
  5. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

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