what happens when..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kiba, May 19, 2012.

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  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Your only passion is taken from you because they were trying to "fix" you.. and now you feel that spark to try again, but are afraid to loose that passion just as you had before.. when you cannot stick to anything because the fear you have causes you to hate any passion or spark of intrest u may have in anything.. when you feel you can never stay anywhere.. never hold to anything.. because it is always taken from you..

    What happens when you have had dreams of a future.. a bleak future full of destruction, sadness, hate, and a whole world against you an a group of 3 or 4 others.. just because you have become different from the world.. because you see the truth.. because you fight for a true freedom..

    Am i crazy..? Do i make this up to make me feel important..? Is it really worth it..?

    What will fufill me..? I cannot find that answer.. i cannot fill that desire.. need.. to make my life feel worth it..

    You tell me i need a job.. a home.. a housr.. all the material possessions you have.. when i know what i value.. i do not value these things.. i do not hold value to material objects so i may be considered "higher" in this society.. i find these things to be of little use..

    A home.. a shelter.. why must i live like everyone else? Why must i play this "game"?

    I'm living in a world that feels so wrongly immature..
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Im living in a hell.. all around me.. (sry for double posts im on a phone).. i find no reason to really be here beyond hoping and trying to see thru this change.. i want things better.. i want this bull shit in the world to cese.. but is it not the human condition..? So why do i try and change it..? Am i really that important? Has my entire life spent thru hell been worth it..? What purpose is thete for me? I don't know..

    Im not sure what else i can handle.. i need things to change.. i can't take this much more.. be it on the streets or in a home.. i find no use.. i find.. no fulfilment..
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just replying so you know someone's listening, here if you want to talk.
  4. nolongerknow

    nolongerknow Active Member

    I'm trying to follow you. Are you talking about a lost relationship?

    I don't think you are, I think it may be something ese on your mind. You are expressing pure, raw emotions but I can not quite grasp the topic or subject matter.

    I do not follow any religion, especially the most common ones.
    But something I have read about from time to time is the teachings of Buddhism, which have four basic or 'noble' truths.

    the first truth is really the only one I can recall and makes sense to me which is:
    To live is to suffer; it is impossible to live without suffering.

    http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html - this link could give some relief and understanding.

    All in all the world is a fairly evil place. 99% of people seem to be self-centered and if you don't fit into their ideals or disagree with their outlook on life, they treat you like shit. And most people are obsessed by attaining material things. Very superficial. I believe in the law of impermanence - basically everything is constantly changing. People are happy for a moment, then sad. People fall in love, then get divorced. Nothing stays the same.

    You are born with nothing and you die with nothing. I do not desire anything materialistic, give me the internet and I will die happy (and probably alone).

    I hope you can get your thoughts in order and get to a (if not happy) complacent mind-state.
    Best Wishes, :)
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Thank you both for the replies..
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I think i m hearing you here and all i can say is get back and find yourself dont be pressured into that.I feel youve come from hard life as sounding very much how i was and still am and under pressure to rebuild yourself yet this takes time and as you say more important things than material possessions.If i m right all i can say keep building that inner strength and be you and find you thats what matters.Take care
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