what have I done wrong?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by marjoke, Jun 6, 2012.

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  1. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I have been a couple of days in hospital after taking aspirine and cutting myself several times...
    They have given me a bloodtransfusion and have stitched my wounds...they 'saved'my life...a life that I don't want to live...
    My real wounds...my inside wounds...can't be stitched...your death has caused a wound that will never heal...that never will get better...It only seems to grow...seems to become more painfull...deeper... every day...I don't know how much longer I can take this pain...how deep can I still sink...haven't I reached the bottom yet? When will this ever stop?
    Why am I so punished that I have to live further without you..? What have I done wrong to deserve this killing pain...?
    Why do I have to live???? There is nothing left to live for...
    why...why? WHY???
    What have I done wrong??????
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I lost my son. The loss is great. I know it hurts... for me, every second of every day and through dreams and nightmares in the night. And yet, life is too important to throw away. It is not what our loved one would wish upon us and it would be so very wrong to dishonor them by throwing life away.
  3. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    You were given a second chance. I do know what it's like to lose someone you love and the pain is so deep.....deeper than one could ever imagine. It is a nightmare that never ends but life is important like pickwithaustin said. Your loved one does not want to see you throw life away. Chose life.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I bet the one you loved would want you to be as happy as possible and live
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you must stay with us.
  6. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    Unfortunally I have no other choise than living the life I have...all my attempts have failed...so far...once I will and must succeed...
    With every breathe I take...the distance between Cedric and me grows...I don't want it to grow..I want to stay near him...close to him...it is breaking me...it is so unfair...
    I know Cedric wouldn't want me to live the way I'm in but I can't help it...my life has no meaning without him...
  7. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I just want it all to end!!! :'(
  8. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Dear Marjoke - It is nothing you have done wrong. This pain is not some punishment on you or I or any of us. And you will NOT grow further away from your dear husband. As days and weeks pass, you will be able to see that your life consisted of wonderful, loving times with your husband. And those memeories will grow even stronger, I promise. And they will help you, as a gift from him, to still recognize and feel the grief and pain, but to be able to see them differently, and they will no longer control your life.
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