What Help is there?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Michael7, May 18, 2007.

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  1. Michael7

    Michael7 Member

    I have been suffering with clinical depression for over 14 years, been medicated throughout and seen therapists the outcome of which is that I am still here.

    The bottom line cause was tried to be investigated by the therapist and things that relate back to my childhood were unearthed and exposed except for my question on gender.
    This was skipped over as something that was non-exsitant.
    I am a man, I am married and together we have three children, I have a contentented and loving relationship wife my wife and family.
    So why am I so depressed everytime I am expected to take on the fatherly role it feels so alien. To try and talk about anything on this line leads people to think of being queer, gay and many other adjectives which belong to the sewer. I have a problem that is eating away inside me, and I can't get it out into the open. Writing this brings tears to my eyes, and re-inforces in me that I have an actual problem.

    We say we live in an open and tolerant society, but this is not true, I am already labelled by being depressed, and would have an additional label if I came out and said what is eating me up inside. This second label could lead to being totally ostricisied and that would be the fianl straw I am sure.

    I have periods when I seem to be okay with everything and life is on a relatively even keel, then I wake up one morning and it has all changed.

    Thankfully being now 53 I have not many more years to contend with this farce I am living. It does make sense of the act of suicide as it gives a closure to something that is acceptable to those around you to get rid of something they can't/won't try and understand let alone accept.

    So many things going around in my head at this moment, I need to get some form of clarity back.

  2. volcano

    volcano Guest

    It sounds like you have something inside that you feel you need to get out, but are too ashamed, or scared to let it out. How about if you let it out here? This is a safe place, a very tolerant place, where no one knows you. If you can't do that, then maybe try writing in to post secret http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ where you can anonymously write your secret in.

    You might feel it is a big secret, however, once you get it out, you might find that people react differently from how you think they will, and you might also realise that releasing it might help you move on and forward. Remember, this is a safe place to do that.

    Maybe what you are holding inside is contributing to your depression, so maybe a way to help yourself feel better might be to allow yourself to open up.

    Also remember that the person who is probably most critical about whatever it is, is you. We are our own harshest critics.

    With regards to help, there is LOADS of stuff out there that can help you if you want it to, but in a way it sounds like you are not necessarily ready for help yet, as you are not ready to release what you are holding inside. When the time comes to seek help, when you can't bear it anymore, then there will be lots out there. Also remember, whatever you tell a therapist is confidential, so talking about your childhood, however hard it might be, would be safe to do.
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