Having no opportunities in life due to circumstances beyond your control thus not coming far? Or having all of the opportunity in the world gifted to you and fucking up each and every single one of them?
This question has arisen from a conversation with a friend. Before he was given the opportunity to live in this country and build something for himself he was a child soldier, wounded by a grenade, he had never seen his family etc. Yet he seems to have more motivation and drive than I do to make the most of what he has and is able to make friends with ease and be independent and strong.
I am the complete opposite, I had everything required. The only thing I didn't have was friends and a stupid mental disorder holding me back. But I struggle to find dreams with the little opportunity I still have left at this stage of my life. I hate the person I am and feel like I don't deserve anything I've had handed to me... I feel like I should be thankful for what I have but I can't be... I don't want it anymore.
It feels like I project all the negative energy back on myself in the form of self-hatred after missing out on big opportunities due to my own failures. But he somehow turns his past into his energy and seems to have gained strength from it.....
I've felt the same way. When I was at the VA hospital there was this guy had some degenerative condition in which his immune system attacked his body. He lost most of his eyesight, was wheelchair-bound, needed someone to feed him, had months to live AND his wife left him during this. What's worse is he was only 34 years old. The man still had a good attitude, was kind to others and didn't seem down on himself or feel like he'd been dealt a bad hand.
One would think this would offer motivation to me that things aren't that bad, but nope. Still dwelling on my issues.
I mean, people are starving in other countries, willing to do whatever it takes just to survive, and here I am, a white man in a country that offers considerably more than most others, and I just feel bad for myself. So pathetic (me, not you).
It seems like a tough choice. But I seem to be leaning slightly more towards the latter, especially since it applies to me. It is a horrible feeling to have so much potential and chances and then squander it all, especially if someone else could use it instead.