Recently, my better half threatened suicide via phone. They live a great deal away, and I did... the best I could; I did the right things... I tired to calm them down, this was fleeting... I panicked, and called their local emergency center. I love this person... very much, to the point I cry when they cry, I hate seeing them like this... I did what I did out of love, and wanting to protect them. They are okay, but they blame me for it. They hold it over my head that it was my fault, they tell me lies, and treat me as if their life is over because I called the cops. Somebody instilled into their head that having a mark like this... will "fuck up the rest of your life". I understand that my better half is uncertain about the road ahead; but... things get worse. Up until recently we were doing swimmingly in our relationship; sure we had arguments, we had feuds... it happens, its normal, its good. He, forgot why we were together. Apparently, he held this from me the entire time we have been together. He has an issue with automatically repressing memories, this being due to what ever happened in his childhood with his parents. I can understand and work through this... but; this has caused major and chronic, un-based trust issues with him. I spend a few hours a day combing for a job... He yells at me and asks me to prove it, while I offer all the proof in the world... it seems not good enough. I can understand why this is, which is why I am not bothered by it. What I am bothered by is what happened recently. He has felt the need to "get back at me" for what happened. For calling the cops, he doesn't understand what I did was for his protection. He expects me to know he was "bluffing" and just trying to get my attention. For what ever reason, he still continues trying to find ways to hurt me right now, I'm letting him do it as he thinks he should be until it breaks him, and he relises what he is doing. Due to the past, and knowing what kind of person he is... and that this is not like him in anyway (considering he has cried over upsetting me by telling a joke that didn't sit right). I will wait this out... I'm doing all I can to show I still care, yadda yadda all that jazz... Just... what makes this hurt less? What makes the guilt less... What makes me feel like I didn't do wrong? He wants to continue the relationship for a reason "he cannot explain or know". However, I don't know how long.... I want to end this on a good note if it does end, I want to... see him happy again, ?I need to not feel it's my fault for all this. I can't leave... he will be devastated if we do that... we tired it already. I want his springy, youthfullness back... as does he. Out of these ashes how does the phoenix rise once again?