so here i am yet another night wide awake alone. i could be out. but id rather not be around anyone. everyone hates me. they all judge me. how fat i am. how stupid i look. how annoying i am. and now ive been told none of you like me. the voice is telling me no one on SF likes me and judges me. maybe i shouldnt be here? my arm is stinging. and that is all i have!! i want to keep cutting, but i dont have the energy tonight. i just want someone to hold me and tell me it wont always be the same. i want to trust someone. i want to feel that everything is real! i cant work out what is feel anymore. so everything is fake to me. maybe my head is all i can trust now. cus i cant keep trying to work out everyone else when in the end they dont really like me. i feel bloody awful. i hate how everything i do ends up in this big pile of shit. everyone i meet leaves me and falls out of me and im left feeling like death and holding a grudge i cant get rid of i have so much pain in my mind that the pain is now physical in my whole body. im fed up. SO FUCKING FED UP. i want to go. right now. but im stuck in this world that my pain is all i have to hold onto. i want to sit here alone just letting my mind wander now. i cant be bothered to fight it. i cant be bothered to fake the smile. i cant be bothered to try and distract myself. im too exhausted. i just want to breathe. but i wont. this is me. ive come to terms with that. im sorry i post so much. ill just fuck off now.