• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

What I need to do

Status
Not open for further replies.

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#1
So it is official I think I am getting drunk all the time because I want to hate myself. I have been on and off the wagon for not drinking for a while and I just think that I am doing the drinking to hate myself. I do not mind the feeling that I get while I drink no that is not a problem. I do enjoy the relaxed feeling that I have and even, dare I say, the happiness I feel. However, I think my true goal is the aftermath where I just feel terrible and depressed the whole time. I am not sure what the problem is, to be honest. I will just have to keep up trying to stop drinking. However, without my leg being in severe danger of crippling me I have a hard time not doing it. I did manage to get through last week until Sunday without drinking bu then I drank and I am hating every moment right now. I need to just get sober and I will remain sober. Life seems more bearable when I have cleansed the system.

Speaking of my legs I think that this will be the last set of kitties I have until I can get in shape. I realized that, in my current apartment, if I were to have my knees give out I would be unable to enter my apartment much less take care of my kitties. If I was about 200 lbs lighter it might be one thing but I am not. Heck even if I was in an apartment where there were no stairs or an elevator I would have a hard time taking care of my kitties if I were to hurt one of my legs. I am not going to give up my kitties for adoption but I am going to make sure that these kitties are the last ones I have until I can get back in shape. I am going to start working at that extra hard now. To be honest I do not care if I cripple myself I am more concerned about who will take care of my kitties and fearing that I would have to leave them on their own is more than I want to think about.

Recently I have been living more and more in fantasy worlds. I guess that it might just be the games I am playing. Since they tend to be anime school-life games there is always talk about friends. I find myself sort of losing myself in the fantasy of those games where I can have friends and people who want to be around me. It is quite comforting to know that I can feel some kind of comfort or worth by pretending I have people who want to be around me and people who care about me. I know that it is just a fantasy and that it will never happen in real life. The only reason why this stuff works is because I am able to have idealized people in the fantasy, including myself, Which is just fine. Though it is a bit of a double-edged sword. Once I realize that it is a fantasy I tend to feel extra depressed afterward knowing that because of my own personality, and appearance, I will never have that in real life. So I feel extra angry and miserable when I do stope the fantasy. However, I find that when I do more of this living in my head. I tend to not want to drink and want to stick to my diet and stuff. So that is a plus, right?

Well regardless I need to stop thinking about the present and look to the future. I need to make plans for things, like if I do hurt my leg that is going to be a problem what do I do. I need to focus on my legs and stuff. I need to cleanse my system so that I can not feel too terrible whenever I have to deal with life. I also need to start bracing myself for when the time comes for me to have no kitties. Because the next time that comes it will be a long time time without getting new ones and IW ill be all alone. I need to start getting used to that again. I guess there is a lot that I need to do. The most important of which is focusing not he goal I gave my doctor back when my leg started acting up. The goal was to be able to ski in 2022. Provided the resorts and stuff are even open.
 
#2
I hope you'll be able to quit drinking. Do you think it's something that you'll be able to do on your own?

I am going to start working at that extra hard now
That sounds good. Probably not drinking will help with that.

I can try to share what's helped me with weight loss, though I've really only been partially successful in that area.

I hope something can help
 

Forgotten_Man

Well-Known Member
#3
@may71 I should be able too do it on my own. Though I might have to do more writing and ranting and stuff I should be fine. For me it is all about the long term. I think after a week I should be just fine. Once I have completely detoxed myself. The hardest part will be dealing with the boredom.

As for losing weight I know what works for me. The problem, again, is the long term. Every couple of weeks I cheat and reset everything. I need to just focus on staying on the diet for the long term. Thanks for the offer of help.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$230.00
Goal
$255.00
Top