Finally after long nights of thought and some counselling I finally understand what I really want. All I want in life is a daughter. I want to make her strong, intelligent, confident, and beautiful. I've always hated women because I was always around weak, disrespectful, ignorant, and foolish women. Girls who always had kids at young age, girls who always went for the worst kind of men, girls who lie to themselves about what they want, and girls who never recognize what is true beauty. I just wanted a daughter to build her into the best woman she can be, someone I could be proud of. But thats also why I'm so suicidal. Because I know I cannot obtain what I desire. I don't want to be a father because I hate fathers, I feel like I'm in turmoil. I think I gave up on my dream, I don't have the desire to live.