What I really want

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pioneer, Mar 14, 2008.

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  1. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    Finally after long nights of thought and some counselling I finally understand what I really want. All I want in life is a daughter. I want to make her strong, intelligent, confident, and beautiful. I've always hated women because I was always around weak, disrespectful, ignorant, and foolish women. Girls who always had kids at young age, girls who always went for the worst kind of men, girls who lie to themselves about what they want, and girls who never recognize what is true beauty. I just wanted a daughter to build her into the best woman she can be, someone I could be proud of. But thats also why I'm so suicidal. Because I know I cannot obtain what I desire. I don't want to be a father because I hate fathers, I feel like I'm in turmoil. I think I gave up on my dream, I don't have the desire to live.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Maybe volunteering to help children in some way will begin to give you an understanding of both mentoring and parenting...that way you can stay on the course, but establish a goal which is more immediately attainable...just my 2 sense, J
  3. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I used to do that. I volunteered at an elementary school. But I just don't have the time now. Plus its hard to help other people's children nowadays especially if you're a guy. But its fine, I have like 12 little sisters anyway.:laugh:
  4. thegrey

    thegrey Member

    You hate fathers, but you can become one, a father that you will ensure you won't hate yourself for. I pretty much don't like mine now either. I think parents now are an ass, you should aspire to be one that will help redeem how parents are like in the eyes of the children now.
    Whoa, 12 little sisters! You can help groom them! Be a father figure xD
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I give you all my luck to make you wish come true.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You should help your little sisters as much as you can Pioneer. Help them to grow and mature into young ladies. You could also become a father some day if you really want to.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You could become a great father and break the cycle of why you don't like fathers. My father was a very special man. I wish I could have him back.
  8. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I'm having a difficult time realizing that dream now. Its hard to focus on building your future when you feel like your alone in building it. There aren't any black role models for young black men and when we try to do something worthwhile we cannot imagine the benefits because no one showed us any. Its so hard to focus because I'm lost and its hard to look toward the future because I feel like I'm the first to travel this road.:sad:
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