What I see when I look into the mirror

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jackanator, Jul 14, 2012.

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  1. jackanator

    jackanator Member

    What I see when I look into the mirror:

    I see a young man. One who looks capable, who is reliable, joyful, one who brings happiness to himself and others, a man who will live most of his life enjoying himself.

    What I see when I look into the cracks of the mirror:

    A broken smile, someone who acts like someone else. Not knowing a clear picture of what his identity is. Doing his best during interactions with others to meet the identity that this man created for himself and others, but ultimately broken in pieces on the inside. I see that this man has identity issues who has never known who he truly is, who has always done what everyone else has told him to do, never figuring out things for himself. This man I see can initiate the very first greeting with others in any social relationship, but struggles and fails to maintain one overtime leaving the man with no meaningful relationships with anyone. The man I see is rendered speechless when faced with a closer one on one social interaction, splurting words out that fail to do anything positive for creating a relationship simply rendering the man a forgotten one, a man that everyone never met.
    The man wants to start over new, forgetting everything hes ever done. The thought of death as the way to do this crosses the mind on occasion.

    I am 18, just finished highschool, ready to start my life feeling like this.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hi jackanator! First off: CONGRATULATIONS on your H.S. Graduation! May I say, that you are a very good writer, one who expresses himself rather articulately... I am amazed... I know you don't believe me, but you're still young, you've got your whole life ahead of you. You really do. I know I felt old at 18. And now that I'm nearly double that, I can see that I was wrong. It's also quite common and natural for you to be feeling this sense of uncertainty with regards your own identity. It's a progression. And doesn't have to be solved overnight. It's called growing up! And it takes a while. So give it time. As far as the inability to communicate meaningfully with others on a personal level, have you sought medical help for this, in the form of therapy? Friends? Family? I don't know that it's necessarily any thing that you are doing wrong per se, but some things are better processed with the aid of others, who can lend an alternative point of view. Even though it's easier said than done, do your best to try not to put so much pressure on yourself when you get into these one on one relationships, all that does is set yourself up for failure. Ask me how I know! Take Care & Good Luck. :) -mr. b
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2012
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