What i see....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Milly, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. Milly

    Milly Well-Known Member

    I stare at my reflection in the mirror, i hate what i see, im pathetic, worthless, a waste of space. Ive never amounted to much and i never will. I just feel disgusted at the weak, useless person i have become. everyday i think more and more about another attempt, thinking more and more of methods, it fills my thoughts during the day and keeps me awake at night. Its worn me down and taken my soul, i am empty

    What writing this down will achieve i dont know but im sick of it going round and round my head filling my thoughts
     
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    You are not pathetic or worthless.
    You are just as deserving as every other person here.
    You have inherent worth, that no one can take away from you, no matter what you've done or what people have told you.
    Tell yourself that because it's true :hug:
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Your better than you think you are.
     
  4. Milly

    Milly Well-Known Member

    Inherent worth? im not even sure i understand what that means?
    maybe im the exception that proves the rule, its been a long long time (20yrs?) since ive had the slightest shred of worth and that was destroyed fairly quickly. since then ive bumbled through life making a complete balls of it. ive tried and failed repeatedly at whatever i try. ive trusted people only to be betrayed time after time. ive given all i can give to just keeping going and ive reached a point now where i have no more to give.
    surely there comes a point at which one needs to say enough is enough and draw the conclusion i have come to
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Why do you feel so bad about yourself Milly? Try thinking highly of yourself like I do. It really helps. :hug:
     
  6. sjdude

    sjdude Member

    It means you are a valuable human being no matter what you or anyone else may think of you. If others can't see value in you, that is their fault, not yours.

    Two things to say about this:

    1. Maybe you haven't tried enough things yet... My sister in law, who never did anything wild in her life, nearly went crazy when my brother died. She went off to work on the Alaskan Pipeline when it was being built. She made great money, had great adventures, and met a new soul mate and had a daughter. It turned her life around... and,
    2. This is a bit Zen, but worth considering: Try doing nothing. Completely nothing. It is every bit as hard as doing "something". It is also very peaceful, but it is harder than you might think. And I'm not jesting. Give it a try.

    Please be at Peace. Please check back here and tell us how you're doing.
     
  7. Milly

    Milly Well-Known Member

    allways have felt this way about myself, ive never felt confident or worthwhile.
     
  8. smk

    smk Well-Known Member

    ah maybe it's time you started to take and take, i sure wouldn't go out of my way to do something nice again.
     
  9. Milly

    Milly Well-Known Member

    aaagggghhhh, just want to scream and shout and smash things up and let it all out!
     
  10. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Hey there mate. Not sure what to say since....well, I feel like that myself most of the time. I do share your pain. Remember you can always PM me if you just wanna let things out. Take care.
     
  11. Milly

    Milly Well-Known Member

    First thing monday morning im making an appointment to see my gp. ive tried doing this recently and one of 2 things happens
    1. i hang up before finishing dailling the number
    2. i make the appointment but then fear and anxiety takes over and i cancel it

    it scares the hell outta me thinking about it but i guess its something im gonna have to do :nerves: and its not like ive never been to see him about head stuff before! its just everything feels worse this time, kind of more desperate and severe

    im worried that he'll just stick me back on sinequan and send me away :sad:
     
  12. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey. we are ALL too hard on ourselves, if we end up on this forum. just my opinion, but, my gut tells me it is absolute truth.

    you DO have worth- you are just a child of the universe, as we all are - and each of us seeks meaning in our lives.

    my opinion only - but those that feel greater pain - end up having the MOST to offer. so. you came to the right place. we are all struggling, striving, yearning, AND, in the process we are finding that we are reaching out, loving, and caring. we are losing ourselves. but in that process, maybe, we are finding ourselves.

    SORRY if that is too philosophical.

    reach out. pm me anytime. .. i have no good advice, but i DO care what happens to you. how many times have i had the doctors number on my desk, but just could not call. could not go. i get it. (hey, here we all get it)
    take good care of you. . . . :hug:
     
  13. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Good for you that you're making an effort to go see your GP. Trust me, it won't be as bad as you think. They're supposed to take things like this seriously. I went to see my GP just over a week ago, and she arranged for me to go see a specialist next week. Just take care and make sure you get the help you need. Let us know how it goes.
     
  14. Milly

    Milly Well-Known Member

    now ive made the appointment with my gp it feels like everythings got worse :sad:

    I know i need to do it and be honest with the gp this time but it just feels too hard :cry: it feels like its too much for me to do, its scares me

    Ive been stressing and worrying about the appointment and thats made me start stressing over anything at all, then i start thinking about whatever it is and that just makes me depressed. then something else distracts me and i stress and worry that and thus it continues

    Its all too much all at once, my depression has gone into freefall and my anxiety has gone through the roof and up into the stratosphere :depressed :nerves:

    :dunno:

    :blue: