what I wanted from life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Aug 9, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I want to live,
    be free from pain
    from hurt
    and all things insane

    I want to smell the flowers
    feel the wind,
    feel the sun,
    feel alive again

    I want to break the chains
    that hold so tight
    the memories
    the past, leading me to break

    I want to break the silence
    that runs around in my head
    let go of the past
    and feel the future

    I want to laugh,
    and smile again
    I want to be me
    without a drink in my hand

    I want to have a clear mind
    without toxic waste
    destroying my mind
    my body and soul

    I want to just for one day
    like who I am
    like the person
    who doesn't need "this" friend.

    I want to forgive,
    those that done wrong,
    let them go
    so I can move on

    I want to be whole
    realise the child trapped inside
    realise the feelings,
    that i won't let myself feel

    I want to feel love
    I want to love
    I don't want to live
    in this hole anymore

    I want to be free
    I want to change
    but where does it start
    and where does it end.

    change is the unknown,
    but the place i'm heading
    is unknown, and has no second chance
    life has no second chances.

    one life, one day to live,
    one day, one minute,
    one drink, one pill
    is all it takes
    before the change
    that I want
    becomes something
    never to be reached.

    I need to change,
    I need it now,
    I need to do this 4 me
    and make something of myself

    leave it any longer,
    and i won't be around.
    its not fiction,
    its fact..

    I've hit the button
    of self destruct,
    now I need to reach within
    and switch it off.

    I just don't have the strength to reach inside, I don't have the strength to continue fighting. Depression has me, and it won't let go, I have to break free somehow, and in this world I don't seem able to do that.

    RIP ME.

    please god, just hear my plea.
     
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Sorry to all.

    laying on my bed, thinking during the night
    looking for something to show me the light
    the stars have faded, the light has gone
    I've shut down and become withdrawn

    Longing for the nites to be short
    wondering why I can't take the support
    if only's, and question of why's
    askin why my mum turned a blind eye

    I won't ever be able to tell
    of my living hell
    I can't say the words
    too many times they went unheard

    I can't even cry at night
    something is not quite right.
    When someone hurts, they cry
    but all I feel is that I want to die.

    I live trapped in my mind
    the past i can't leave behind
    torture, the pain, worse then before
    remembering I was just they whore.

    Feelins of dirty, self loath and hate
    never feeling anyones mate.
    livin alone and trapped within
    all because of my original syn.

    I committed the biggest syn
    I should never have been
    I shouldn't have been born
    now I'm left here feeling torn

    the feelings of shame
    after all I am to blame
    look of disgust
    is all that I see.

    I hate the person I am
    and I really couldn't give a damn
    I'm useless, I'm pathetic, i'm weak
    stupid, crazy, dirty and a freak

    I'm tierd of the feelings inside
    I've tried to deny them and hide
    the memories that blind me
    I fight and disagree.

    I won't accept that person was me
    how can it be, she is three.
    She is not me, we are not one
    but both of us has lost and they have won.

    they stole her soul
    inside is empty, just a hole
    broken, destroyed
    life is a void.

    I've been trying
    i've been losing
    I've been fighting
    I've been beaten

    I can't talk of the past
    I can't reach out
    I can't let anyone in
    I'm dead within

    the thoughts won't ease
    they starting to increase
    I can't escape my mind
    and unwind

    so tangled, caught in a trap
    I can't break free, I'm crap
    I don't know how to get thru this
    so i quit, i no longer exist.
     
  3. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Re: Sorry to all.

    Me either..nice poem.
     
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Lost_child

    little girl lost in the world
    no one see's her
    no one hear's her
    no one feels her pain
    no one care's this girl is lost
    no one to cuddle her
    no one to hold her
    no one to tell her it will be ok
    no one to guide and protect her
    no one around to love her
    no one to take her to the park
    no one to take time to read a book
    no one to play and colour in
    no one to teach her right from wrong
    no one to cherish her
    no one who misses her
    no one who could help her
    no one could save her
    no one was there when she needed them
    the little girl is no longer alive
    for she has since died
    she's not at peace
    she died alone
    she still bears the scars
    still holds the pain
    still looks for the love
    still looks for the cuddles
    still looks for re-assurance that it will be ok
    still looks for someone to care
    still looks for understanding why it happened
    still looks for someone to tame the fire
    still looks for someone to help her.
    but she won't ever get any of this
    as I've now died as well.
     
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    to u my lord I give my soul
    Life has now taken its toll.
    I've tried to reach u before
    don't why but u closed the door

    u given many challenges
    but now its time to let me win
    fighting all my life,
    not once have u give me anything nice

    I don't know what I done wrong
    I guess it was being born
    but I didn't ask for that to happen
    u just placed me here, but now I want heaven
     
  6. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    hey child
    stay wild
     
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Why am I so scared of life.....is it so bad to want to die...
     
  8. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    hey thats a good poem. keep safe hun. :)
     
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