My LDR boyfriend in The Netherlands has been out of reach since the 27th. He had to take 2 weeks off work, his laptop broke ages ago and now his brother's did too... so I haven't heard a word from him. He's supposed to return to work tomorrow morning, and thus being able to come online so I can finally hear from him again. It's been 2 long weeks without him. I used to wake up to his messages... he's there when I go through stuff... usually... he hasn't been these weeks and I've really needed him. Needed his support and his stupid sense of humour that can always make me giggle through the worst tears... But... I'm starting to panic, I have a panic attack pending... What if he doesn't return?? What if he's left me like everyone else does? He tells me he's not looking for others and I spent the week up to he left telling him I wouldn't leave him and that I wasn't going to replace him... But seriously... why the hell is he even wasting his time on me? He could easily find someone both prettier and healthier. Someone a lot less complicated... someone close to him. People just always leave... I lost a lot of the friends I thought I had as a teenager... daddy left before I was born... and people just generally try to avoid me. And early in our relationship I broke his heart because of my abusive ex who couldn't leave me alone. What if he doesn't come back?? I have all sorts of horrors in my head... What if his horrible ex has sent him another letter? What if something happened to him?? What if he got sick?? What if... Damnit. I wish I had a better confidence. He's the first man in my life who has ever treated me truly well.