Last school year I went as an exchange student in the States, which is when I first met him. We hit it off as best friends at once, and so we were through the whole year. I loved him. First as a friend, but then I thought it was something more. But then I hurt him. Over and over again. I was thinking I didn't want to ruin our friendship and what we already had. I knew that I hurt him every time I did, but we still stayed best friends, and it was all good. Then I left, I came back to my country, back to my old life, and it got me thinking. I started regretting all the things I did while I was over there. I was so selfish. I realized that I loved him, and I still do, and I was thinking I would get to say sorry, and let him know how I felt when I came back to visit (he didn't have a phone and was never online, so I could barely contact him while being so far away as in another country). I thought about him every day, and was looking more and more forward to telling him. Then I got the news, on the 3rd day of Christmas he committed suicide. I loved him as more than a freind. My heart is broken. I wonder if he knew that he was more to me than a friend? I feel like its all my fault. What if I hadn't done those things back then? What if I had told him how I felt? He had no other reason to do it than that. He had a "perfect" life. He was the top student of his class, a great athlete, he had the best friends and everybody loved him. The only thing he didn't have was a girlfriend. And I know he really fell for me, and never got over me, no matter how selfish that sounds. I don't want to live knowing I'll never see him again here on earth. And will I ever see him again ever, even when I die? What if he won't remember me then? I'm scared to live on in case I meet another person who will also love like that, he was the only one i wanted, he was the one, and you can never find the one twice, can you? I don't want to forget him. I want him to be the one I will be reunited with when I die.