I promised my baby girl's momma, that when I took her on, I'd keep her til the day she died. My girl, my dog, saved me from agoraphobia, I got her only to enable me to live outside. My little German Shepherd grew into an enormous beautiful girl who I love more than anything in the world. But I still want to die.
I have bipolar disorder bordering on schizoaffective. I can't leave the house without my dog. She's amazingly well trained, doesn't need a lead, we've spent forever together. But somehow I still want to leave her. Why? I don't understand, she's the most precious thing this world has ever created. But life is still so hard I don't want to go on.
Why? Why this eternal obsession with death? I guess it doesn't help that my best friend killed himself at new year. I'm kinda jealous. Jealous that he got away. I'm so scared that there might BE something after, or that Samantha (my dog) might not get a good life.
So where does this leave me? :sigh:
I have bipolar disorder bordering on schizoaffective. I can't leave the house without my dog. She's amazingly well trained, doesn't need a lead, we've spent forever together. But somehow I still want to leave her. Why? I don't understand, she's the most precious thing this world has ever created. But life is still so hard I don't want to go on.
Why? Why this eternal obsession with death? I guess it doesn't help that my best friend killed himself at new year. I'm kinda jealous. Jealous that he got away. I'm so scared that there might BE something after, or that Samantha (my dog) might not get a good life.
So where does this leave me? :sigh: