What if it turns out NOBODY likes you?

[bleach]

I know what people might say. That I haven't met everyone in the world, that I can't know what everyone thinks, blah blah. But suppose I really have bad self-esteem because I genuinely deserve it.

If everyone you've ever met doesn't like you, wouldn't you conclude that you are a bad person? What else could you think about yourself?

Looking back, I don't think one person I know can stand my personality. Generally I'm very shy, which turns most people off to begin with. but even during my outgoing moments, it seems like I only make people dislike me faster. I'm constantly sticking my foot in my mouth over something. People give me looks like "what the fuck is this guy thinking?" in every conversation. Everyone else makes it look so easy. What is wrong with me?

Even my so-called friends seem to only tolerate me until they can find someone more worth their time. Once they have no further use for me, they waste no time cutting me out of their lives. No one has ever considered me a close friend or trustworthy in any way. Women especially hate me. The women I thought were my friends treated me like shit. The women i wanted to be more than friends thought I was just creepy and avoided me.

My family is probably the most disgusted with me. My parents clearly resent my life and everything I do. If they notice something i do, it's only to criticize. I can tell they wish I was somebody else, not the loser son that they have. Nobody else in my family cares at all.

I have a personality that no one could love, or even tolerate for very long. Not that many people would even want to try. but those that do try are only disappointed very quickly. Even if I try to make friends with a fellow outcast of the world, they only find reasons to hate me.

If you were weighing the odds, what seems more likely: that there is something wrong with me, or that there is something wrong with everyone else I have ever met? Because one of those statements must be true. I think it's obvious which one it is.

 

[itmahanh]

You are trying too hard! Just be the real you, the one that we have come to know here at SF. I dont dislike you, I have never seen anything to show me that you are worth any less time than anyone else here. I read your posts and threads and see a person who is both willing to give to others as well as receive from others. Sometimes we let people on the outside see our real pain and it scares them. They dont know how to react or to deal with it so rather than try they back away or critize. That isnt your shortcoming hun, it's theirs. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Ziggy]

I ask myself this a lot, I spend Christmas on my own, nobody wishes me a happy birthday, my own family don't like me. But I also wonder just what have I done so wrong? I haven't murdered anybody, I've never deliberately hurt others, I don't torture animals or eat babies so maybe I'm not so bad. If people disagree with me then sod 'em :biggrin:

 

[bleach]

Yeah, well that's easily said. Believing it is another matter. How are you supposed to believe in yourself when no one else thinks you're worth a damn?

 

[Ziggy]

People don't appreciate things they should appreciate. Many great artists and musicians weren't appreciated until they were dead. People walk past trees and flowers and don't even notice them, until they're gone, and then they wonder why everything looks so depressing and grey. Anyway, I know that doesn't make things any easier or better, but you can't control what other people think or do. I think by trying to appreciate qualities in other people, hopefully you will see you share some of those same qualities yourself.

 

[ThoseEmptyWalls]

I know your going to hate this but.. You need to learn to appreciate yourself..Gain a little self worth.. I know that doesnt mean a damn thing coming from me as I bascially have no self worth myself and I sure dont appreciate myself.. But I do believe the fact remains the same.. I need to get off my bumm and do something about it.. Gain a little self woth and self appreciation..How Im going to do that, I have no clue. If someone figures that out would they please share it with me?

 

[trux]

You're always wondering what people think of you, this is probably your one and only problem. There is nothing wrong with you, and I honestly believe so, because from reading your post I'm just like you : I thought there was something off about me that would make everyone avoid or dislike me, I had been thinking this for ages, but time has made me realize it's just a matter of how you're being perceived, and that's something you are able to change.

It's so fucking hard to be able to act without thinking of what others think, I'm really bad at it, but for me it does make the difference between a wonderful day and a day I want to kill myself. Because when you manage to do that, your face and look get much different from what they are usually, even if you aren't aware of it, and that leads people to feel at ease with you.

For weeks now, I've been paying attention to my expression, my way of speaking, my tone of voice, and I've come to the conclusion that those are what make me feeling liked or disliked by everyone else. I know this for a fact : I was always under the impression that some girl disliked me, because most of the times I talked to her she would make a strange face meaning "you're bothering me" or "what the fuck is this guy talking about" (much like you actually), but it turned out she was acting this way because I, was actually acting this way (the way I spoke, my facial expression, the way I looked at her), even though that's not how I felt inside at all. But I showed otherwise on the outside, with everyone, and that made me having to go through horrible years.
I'm not yet done with it because I'm still having a hard time taking things in control, managing not do wonder what they all think of me. But those moments when I just forget about it all and act freely, those are truly heaven.

You may think this is not what it's all about, it might not be for you, but from what I've read I believe that's the case.
Words won't help you though. You need to experience, by yourself, and see what works for you. Try to change the way you speak, the tone of your voice, your expression, but the hard thing is you must not think about it when you're doing it, because else that won't make any difference. Act like you're sure of yourself when you're talking to people, well not exactly, more like you don't care if they don't like you, and you have nothing to expect from them; and when they perceive that, they get an interest in talking to you, and then you'll most likely feel like you're being appreciated.

I'd be happy to hear if I'm right on your problem, or if you think I'm completly wrong. Both ways, good luck!

 

[protonaut]

"if" ? :wink:

 

[bleach]

I'd be happy to hear if I'm right on your problem, or if you think I'm completly wrong. Both ways, good luck!

Uhh, I don't know. It's really not that simple. I'm afraid of people in general, particularly when it comes to talking about anything that matters. Anything weightier than the weather, other boring shit like that. Which keeps me from developing any real relationships with anybody. The thought of how people would judge my real personality/experiences/opinions is terrifying to me.

 

[Sil]

Well, I don't know if this helps but, here it is: there is nothing wrong with you. I used to be frightened by what others could think of me, or worse, that might make fun of me. But you know what? Some day, out of nowhere, I thought: who the hell are those people for making me feel like this? Are they better than me? NO! I'm not particularly good-looking, so I lack of a bit of self esteem, especially when talking to girls. But again, WHY should I be terrified of talking to girls? Sometimes I think: Gee... they will think I'm hitting them, they will think I'm a moron, I'm an ugly guy, how do I dare to talk to them... but then I stop to think of all of this crap. They(boys or girls) do not want me? Too bad for them. They are losing a great guy. I know I'm quite funny if I want to, and I'm smart. They do not want my friendship? They do not deserve me. This way of thinking helped me a lot. Now I can speak pratically with everyone, male or female, without thinking what they are thinking, or without fear of saying what I think. Just remember that you can't be touched by what others think of you. That is what I did. Maybe it is selfish and arrogant, but anyway...

 

[LoD]

I'll throw a good personal philosophy at you, which you can use alongside Trux's solution.

Start changing your body language, gradually. That would help mountain loads.

And, to help you not think actively about what others think of you...

You're living life, as far as I can read in your post, you seem to live life the way you seem appropriate, following your own standards. I take it you care for others? You just want to make other people happy, by being you and in return feeling good for doing so.

What's wrong with you then? ^^ Even if you are annoying at times, if you live up to what you believe is good and true, you are a good person. Keep telling yourself that.

'I'm a good person. Sometimes I'm annoying, hell, sometimes I'm even a jerk. I'm still a good person."

As long as you keep telling yourself that, wheither or not you believe it, does not matter. You'll feel more certain and you can play around with body language a lot easier that way. :P

 

[Ruby]

Most people don't like me. I guess i'm immune to being hated. I hate myself though, so I can't expect to be liked.

 

[AlexDanish]

Uhh, I don't know. It's really not that simple. I'm afraid of people in general, particularly when it comes to talking about anything that matters. Anything weightier than the weather, other boring shit like that. Which keeps me from developing any real relationships with anybody. The thought of how people would judge my real personality/experiences/opinions is terrifying to me.

If they don't like your personality, well then, you don't need to be friends with them. Also, people may judge your opinions but I'm sure MOST people would respect them.

Honestly, I'm looking at you right now, and you seem like a very nice person. And even if your shy, you're telling us all this, and that's really brave of you, man.

You seem like a really likable guy. Just give it time. You'll meet real friends soon enough. Honestly, don't worry about it. Just try to relax in social situations. If you're worried, only put in input when something important comes up (And remember its okay if people disagree with you on things) and eventually, just make small talk. Build your way up. Talk about things you like. Talk about things other people like

Just give it time, bro. Things will turn out better. If things seem tough, you can always talk to me or keep posting here! :biggrin: