had normal therapy today and he picked up on a trigger on exposure notes i have to make each week. made me go into detail of the trigger not just once but twice. how i did not faint i have no idea...i managed to retain a little control but it was hell and now new exposure is to write about the trigger and read it while i do the exposure. i would rather eat a witchity grub than do that. i have been good to fight self harm but the last 30 mins or so...more and more its calling..its like a physical pain is better than a mental pain. i understand the reason for the therapy but that doesnt make it easy and once in you the bad place...you dont know what happens. do i stop therapy or persevere in the hopes it will get better...take the chance that i can fight the darkness it causes..appt was 0930 and its only the last hour i have come down to a reasonable safe place. not even sure its worth the battle. now i am worried about next session as he will just set off the mind chatter again...its so exhausting...thank god for detachment. moan over