What if they knew?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dyedsoul, Apr 14, 2014.

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  1. dyedsoul

    dyedsoul Member

    Would they care? Would it hurt them as much as it hurts you?

    "Guys, I want to kill myself."

    Would they take you seriously? Would they feel too awkward to do anything at all?

    "Guys, I'm bipolar, that's why you only ever see me when I'm eccentric. Do you ever think about the days on end when you don't see me?"

    Would they try to help? Would they ask more questions?

    "Why are you depressed? Why have you only just mentioned this now?"

    Would they be angry? Would they judge you?

    "If you're so suicidal, then why are you here? We all get 'depressed' from time to time - you just need to man up"

    Should I leave a note? What should I say?

    "..."

    In truth, there is nothing that I, nor anybody else, can say. This has got nothing to do with me wanting to kill myself. I just don't really want to exist right now. How do you explain that to somebody? And why would I want to? It's a cliché to say that nobody cares, but that really is the truth of the matter. I don't think many mean to be ignorant; we're all just so caught up in our own shit, it's hard to take on somebody else's pain as well, even if it is in plain sight.

    Hidden in plain sight. That's my life.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do have to be open wtih people let them know what is happening because they are not mind readers ok and yes they have their own problems to bare but i am sure most people would want to help and understand It is you judging them before you give them a chance to be a support for you.
    Depression does that makes us thing no one would give a dam
     
  3. SplinterStar

    SplinterStar Active Member

    I'm hidden from most people in my life in a similar way. It's difficult to cope when you feel crazy.
     
  4. dyedsoul

    dyedsoul Member

    That's pretty much precisely it, SplinterStar. Of course we all know we should reach out for help but that's why we're here. It's so easy to patronise somebody with a mental illness when you have no idea what they're feeling. How could they possibly know? And who the fuck are 'they' anyway? If we felt like we had people around to support us then maybe we wouldn't feel this way.

    I think people automatically assume that when you're mentally unwell, you must have also lost all sense of reason and rationality. I think that might also be close to the medical definition too. But it's bollocks. I'm the way I am because I'm TOO rational. I see things for how they truly are. 'Irrational' is a relative term. Of course it's not irrational for me to feel suicidal when I can see my life for exactly what it is. What is irrational is telling someone how they should or shouldn't be feeling.

    Sorry, got sidetracked into a rant there. Bad day.
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    No sorries, dyedsoul, I understand completely what you're saying :)
     
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