What If (triggering, be safe)

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by texaskitty, Sep 7, 2011.

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  1. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    What if, at the age of 52, new memories surfaced?

    I mean I've been dealing with the father, the cousin, but these new memories are of my mother.

    What if everything I've ever denied is true.

    Reminds me of that scene in Aliens where Newt is asking Ripley why people tell little kids there are no monsters, when there really are.

    My parents were monsters. My mother was a monster, and I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Well, we have to determine what to think when things like this happens.

    If your mother was a part of the abuse, it's good to know. Especially when they have passed on. Now you can find closure.

    Just make sure you stay grounded.
  3. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    im sorry these memories are haunting you just now, i know through experience its very difficult to deal with those memories, but i hope you can, you deserve to feel happier. :hug:
  4. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    texaskitty, my heart goes out to you. I know how messed up it feels when you find out that what you held as true has suddenly been proven false.

    I'm sorry. :console:
  5. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry angie hope things get better :hug:
  6. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    oh hun :( . *hug . It must feels so overwhelming to process. I got no words right now, but you know where to find me.
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    So sorry Angie hun. You know where I am if you need me xxxx
  8. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    As rough as it might be, that is a sign of being so much more healthy, because you would not take it on, if you could not...our defenses are there so we can survive...it is both understandable and brave
  10. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Its like my brain is split in two. One holds one set of memories and the other another. It feels like pure insanity.
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There is much written about crossing 'The Great Stream" or finding the truth or reason in your psychological space...note, I use the word truth, in respect to perceptions, not as an absolute, so there is no need to debate the word...what I mean is to see what you perceive happened that best reflects your truer self...for years, I ascribed my mother to be 'spaced out', when in actuality, she was as guilty and horrific to me as my father......I was so overwhelmed by this, at first, but then came to see, I had to, in order to not feel I had nothing...today, I hold everyone who abused me responsible for what they did, and I am trying to forgive them (the hardest thing I think I have had to do)...J
  12. Lost_Dashite

    Lost_Dashite Senior Member

  13. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    I :wub: you, sis, and i know it's awful. :hug: :duck:
  14. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    So sorry - I've been recovering new stuff too - at age 50

    Your description is so on target like a wall between the different sets of memories....

    Be kind to yourself - this is the way you got through

    Take Care
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know it feels that way hun but you are not insane you are just remembering parts of past that was blocked out to protect that child inside Now you are older somehow the brain knows it is time you deal with that past so you can heal hun. i am abt your age and out of the blue memories come at me sometimes and with therapy one tries to unravel all the madness hun
    I hope you and your therapist take it slow okay at your pace so it does not overwhelm you hun hugs to you
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Angie :wub: :hug: Thinking of you. Here if you need to talk
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