At the end of April, I told my wife I was suicidal. I made a commitment to go to see my GP, who also referred me to a therapist. I was on Lexapro for a couple of weeks, but nothing changed. Doc switched me to Cymbalta and I've been feeling better, to a degree. Day to day I am happier, but still have no enthusiasm for doing things with friends or for anything going on in my life (job, hobbies, etc). That is why i say I'm better, but to a small degree. I still think about dying and still think about suicide. My wife recently asked me if I wanted to get better. The question floored me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I do not. Even though I've sought help, I don't think I want to get better. I find it hard to think about giving up on the suicide. It's like I keep trying to hold onto it and not wanting to let myself admit that I could get better, if I would just let go of that. Has anyone else experienced this?