What if you don't want to get better?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Brent1969, May 17, 2011.

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  1. Brent1969

    Brent1969 Member

    At the end of April, I told my wife I was suicidal. I made a commitment to go to see my GP, who also referred me to a therapist.

    I was on Lexapro for a couple of weeks, but nothing changed. Doc switched me to Cymbalta and I've been feeling better, to a degree. Day to day I am happier, but still have no enthusiasm for doing things with friends or for anything going on in my life (job, hobbies, etc). That is why i say I'm better, but to a small degree. I still think about dying and still think about suicide.

    My wife recently asked me if I wanted to get better. The question floored me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I do not. Even though I've sought help, I don't think I want to get better. I find it hard to think about giving up on the suicide. It's like I keep trying to hold onto it and not wanting to let myself admit that I could get better, if I would just let go of that.

    Has anyone else experienced this?
  2. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    I've experience what you meant by thinking if you want to get better.

    I want to get better from my feelings of pain, anxiety and sadness, but I don't want to lose my outlook on life. I'm actually at lot more proactive about what I want now than I was before, because I really get how fleeting life is and so I'm almost happy at my good moments. I just wish the good moments lasted.

    If that's what you want to keep, I understand, but I'd want to get rid of suicidal thoughts.
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I've experience the same thing. I've felt this way for so long that, as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to get better. You get used to the feeling ya know? You just do things that don't aggravate it, and you're fine. But I guess it changes from person to person. I've never really been a happy/outgoing person. More of a quiet/avoiding type, so I'm probly always destined to be in some sought of depression.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like you have some depression also.. Depression has one major side affect, lack of motivation..This a real problem because it can drag you down into even worst depths..You should see a therapist to help you learn coping skills..You can't beat this on your own..
  5. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    I would also say its part of the depression. How do you expect to have a clear mind if your not feeling well. Take it easy and let other help you untill your back to normal
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    May need meds adjusted some Let you doc know how you are feeling okay lack of motivation etc talk to your doc see what else can be done to give you that boost of energy you need. My med gives me energy so i want to do stuff hugs
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi brent...meds take a while to kick in and to get the full effects from them so don't give up ok..
    if these ones aren't working see your doc again for another change..
    maybe an increas in dose is all you need

    wel done for seeking help..that's the first step of you recovery
  8. Brent1969

    Brent1969 Member

    Thanks for the comments. It's nice to know that what I'm going through is "normal" to an extent.
  9. Brent1969

    Brent1969 Member

    By the way, I do have depression and have been on meds for a few weeks. First started with lexapro, but it didn't help at all. Now I'm on Cymbalta - it's been almost two weeks (one week at 30 mg; then up to 60 mg). I see some difference in day-to-day life, but only a little. I hear what y'all are saying and will give the meds more time to work, as well as talking to my doctor. Thanks.
  10. sunkist123

    sunkist123 Guest

    My friend once said a few years ago I like to play the victim. I used to feel like the comedian, but i'm starting to feel like i know what he means when I saw charlie sheen...
  11. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I realised this myself a few months ago after one of my therapist appointments. A part of me is scared about who I'll turn into if I get better; that I won't be me anymore. Another part of me is scared to go through all the motions of getting better. It's going to be tough.. probably one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do and in a way it feels easier to just carry on as I am. I've never felt any different to how I feel now, not really, and there's a comfort to it. If I could I'd go back and make it so I was never this way in the first place, but get better? I don't know.. I guess it's like not wanting to have ever been born, but being too scared to actually commit suicide. There's a distinct difference between the two. That's how I see it, anyway.
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It's a common result of depression that you don't want to get better. That's the depression talking. If the depression were to lift to a significant enough degree that your life actually improved, you'd have no regrets.

    I'm not convinced suicidal ideation ever goes away, though.
  13. Brent1969

    Brent1969 Member

    Avarice - You totally wrote the thoughts I wanted to write when i wrote my post. Your situation is exactly then one I'm in and how I'm feeling. Thanks so much for sharing.
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