Practical Advice What if you fall for your therapist?

[PrincessPure]

I have been to a few sessions of psychoanalysis and I get stressed when talking to my doctor. He keeps asking me me the reason, and what could I say? I don't even know.
No I could never imagine myself being with that guy, who is probably close to being 40, I don't even know much about him. But I'm wondering for what reason do I get stressed in his room and overthink about him? Does that mean I like him?
What makes me more worried is him thinking I like him
What should be done.... any ideas or advice? Help please.

 

[justrob]

I think you are on the right track examining your thoughts. There is not enough information for me to give a good answer. The feeling could be part of what you are being treated for, it could be you are picking up something from him, it could be you are getting close to an issue and you are resisting and creating a situation to avoid dealing with it, it could mean you like him, or there could be something familiar about him or his office that reminds you of something pleasant in your past, and there may be other reasons.

He is observant enough to notice you are stressed. Has you tried to investigating in depth why you are stressed to try and find out what is underneath?

You may want to start by asking yourself why it bothers you if he thinks you like him. What would happen if he thought you liked him?

I hope you figure this out a little bit my friend.

 

[Dante]

I remember having a feeling towards my counsellor at university which if I hadn't been so fucked mentally might have been attraction, I almost didnt want to tell her more painful things because I didnt want her thinking badly of me. It makes perfect sense, a good therapist/counsellor cares and helps in ways that people who need one usually haven't experienced, it makes sense you would feel something for such a person, and any professional worth a damn would have dealt with that before and understand fully. Its natural, not to be embarrassed about, and as long as you know its not real, and dont make a move on him, all will be fine.

 

[justrob]

@Dante , your scenario was the first thing I thought of, but forgot to list it. I'm glad I did, you explained it very well.

 

[PrincessPure]

He is observant enough to notice you are stressed. Has you tried to investigating in depth why you are stressed to try and find out what is underneath?

You may want to start by asking yourself why it bothers you if he thinks you like him. What would happen if he thought you liked him?

I hope you figure this out a little bit my friend.

Wouldn't it be embarrassing and sorta meaning that I'm such a helpless person.... A damsel in distress of some sort *sigh*

 

[Dante]

Wouldn't it be embarrassing and sorta meaning that I'm such a helpless person.... A damsel in distress of some sort *sigh*

The image of damsels in distress exists for a reason, because people do act like that, girls and guys, when in more trouble than you can handle you look to be saved, and that's normal. We are a social species, our survival instinct includes looking to others for help and helping others in turn because that's how a social species survives.

 

[PrincessPure]

The image of damsels in distress exists for a reason, because people do act like that, girls and guys, when in more trouble than you can handle you look to be saved, and that's normal. We are a social species, our survival instinct includes looking to others for help and helping others in turn because that's how a social species survives.

Thank you for the calming opinioms dante ♡

 

[SillyOldBear]

You might want to research the topic of 'transference'. Happens a lot with counsellors. Is really quite natural to like them. I know I fell for mine just because of his Australian accent. You usually get over it.

 

[Ineluki]

I wanted to offer a different opinion to your nervousness, Princess.

One thing I noticed about myself in my early therapy visits was that I would always dress very nicely when I went, and I made sure to bring ALL my notes, any "homework" I had been assigned, anything I thought my therapist might need from me. I especially got nervous sitting in the waiting room. Finally, I realized that in my mind, I had started acting like going to the therapist was a job interview! I started making myself wear sweats to my therapist's office, just so I would feel comfortable.

This is what led me to a realization which I repeat on this forum as often as people let me: Your therapist works for you, not the other way around. You can fire this person if he doesn't help you, and you can go see someone else. All this means, if anyone should be a little nervous about the visit, it shouldn't be you!

 

[PrincessPure]

I feel inferior when in front of doctors, i cant tell him that or he would feel superior

 

[PrincessPure]

You might want to research the topic of 'transference'. Happens a lot with counsellors. Is really quite natural to like them. I know I fell for mine just because of his Australian accent. You usually get over it.

God this is a real uncomfortable topic. Not only I'm not comfortable to talk about potentially liking him, but also, after reading about this transferencet thing which you mentioned, i can no longer imagine talking to him about what I planned to do next session. Not feeling close and comfortable with my dad. He may figure out everything hearing that.

 

[justrob]

@PrincessPure I don't know about a damsel in distress, but you are a human being seeking help. All humans do in one way or another.

"Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones.

But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thighbone) that had been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal.
A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts, Mead said.” - Dr. Ira Byock, "The Best Care Possible"

We take care of each other.

As for doctors; I am an intelligence and usually capable person, but when I need something I go to and expert. The doctor has more, training, experience and education, I can use her knowledge to help me. At the same time, I know myself better than anyone else and in that respect I have more knowledge and experience. An exchange of information takes place. I tell the doctor what I know about me and what is bothering me and she prescribes surgery, medication, or some psychological techniques to help me. It is then my responsibly to consider what I'm told, make sure it sounds right and then do it. After I do it, I need to report back what works and what doesn't and then the doctor adjusts with the new information.

Use the doctor to help you.

 

[justrob]

God this is a real uncomfortable topic. Not only I'm not comfortable to talk about potentially liking him, but also, after reading about this transferencet thing which you mentioned, i can no longer imagine talking to him about what I planned to do next session. Not feeling close and comfortable with my dad. He may figure out everything hearing that.

I didn't see this until after i posted my last response, which may not be that helpful in hindsight.

There is always a vulnerability when seeking medical help whether it is for an infected gall bladder, or something psychological. I am sorry I can't be more helpful. All I can suggest is to keep getting it out of your head, like writing here. The more you talk, the better chance you'll figure something out.