What if you have to commit suicide?

[TheBLA]

I mean, what if you really are the most messed up person alive? So messed up that your at the point of no return and you'll be messed up and forever miserable the rest of your life? Thats how I feel.

And I know all of you will say its not true and that I'm not that messed up and things will get better, blah, blah, blah.

I have to say that I know for sure that my mom and little brother at least would be devastated if I died, is that enough for me to keep going? The only one I've ever lost so far has been one grandma, and I barely even knew her, only saw her a few times in my life but I still miss her. I can't imagine the pain I'd go through if any of my family members died. I'm so afraid of my parents dying eventually for example. I'm so weak, so vunerable, I'm so fucked up.

Is it my brain telling me I'm a big loser or if I really am? Probably the latter, but also, nobody knows me as well as I do. I am the most fucked up person alive and I never though 10 years ago I'd end up this way. Weird how I'm more depressed after just having seen my therapist.

I don't feel that life in general is awful and horrible but just that I am not fit for life, its just ME thats the problem. I'm such a loser, I've been here over a year and over a 1000 posts later, and still I've made no progress here, nobody knows me here, nobody cares, its all just fucking pointless. I'm NOT fit for this life, I wish I could reincarnate and start my life all over again. I dunno if life is precious, mine isn't. :dry: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

 

[non_existence]

I'm NOT fit for this life, I wish I could reincarnate and start my life all over again. I dunno if life is precious, mine isn't

it only becomes precious when you use it in the right way. it's not inherently 'precious' in any way, but there is the potential for it.

"One definition of insanity is to keep doing what you did before, and expect different results!" ----> you _need_ to start something something totally new & un-familiar, because everything you've already done and tried has taken you no-where.

 

[TheBLA]

Sigh, my therapist tells that to me as well, to change, everyone has or would tell me that. Not so easy though but.......damn it.....its all my fault.