What if you think you deserve it?

[Volition]

tell me if im wrong, but suicide is usually stereotyped for very unfortunate people who seem to get the short end there whole life. Someone who has been stepped on, screwed over and perplexed with life.

I have received every opportunity to redeem myself, to succeed, to fly as high as i can. And i shoot it down. I don't study, i lie, i fulfill no responsibilities, and i think it may be about time i end this shit. If i can barely do shit now, what will happen in the future, because im sure it doesn't get easier. Why would someone like myself even exist, can't some poor starving kid have my life while i go rot in what ever hell hole they come from.

i do want to be a good person, and i always thought i would be able to turn my shit around, and now im a senior in high school, it seems to late really. Im scared that i might live with my parents and i don't want to do that to them, im scared i might do something ludicrous and get arrested or something. What do i do?

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi and welcome...we sabotage ourselves for many reasons, and most of them are not an indication of being lazy...I have done this countless times, and for me, it was because I did not feel worthy of success...it is different for each person...maybe it would be helpful to explore with a trusted adult and/or a professional to see what is true for you...and it is truly not too late at all...I almost was kicked out of college and today I am rather OK professionally...welcome again, and I hope you also remember to count your attributes...J

 

[Speedy]

Hey Volition,

Welcome to the SF forums.

I'll start out by pointing out to you perhaps your best attribute I see from reading your post: that you want to be a good person.

--> Caring for others - You have good intentions and think of your parents and want the best for them. You don't want to live in your parents' house and be a burden to them. I understand what that feels like because I worry that I may be dependent on them if I can't "pull it together" in college and get a job afterwards. My parents need to retire soon, and I don't want to hinder them from moving back to their native land. <--

Me, I'm lazy with school and doing chores; I've been given a lot too. I just finished my senior year in high school and it wasn't a cakewalk. I got hospitalized, I dropped out of community college dual-enrolled classes, etc. In short, I can relate to how it feels for you to not be able to do what you want to although you want to be so much more. I still don't know whether I will be able to survive my first semester of college this coming fall.

With much care,

Alex