Most of us who have gone through pain or depression know that it would go away after awhile. But what if my suicidal thoughts come from the depression caused by seeing those whom I love suffer due to my existence? Would it be a valid reason to die. *laughs faintly* Anyone here been through such a situation and successfully got through it? I am really open to any sort of advice. Sincerely, I really don't want to have such suicidal thoughts but at the same time can't stand living for another day. I've actually been suicidal since 10 and have came very close to death twice. (I won't even count the other minor attempts) And every time I fail, I end up hurting those who love me, who, ironically are the people I want to help through my death. It's like I am created "to not die from suicide." My last visit to the hospital (due to my last attempt) revealed that my arteries are all embedded deeply beneath my veins. (Which prevents any death from hemorrhage. And that is just one of the many "mechanisms" I have which prevents me from successfully suiciding.) Most of the doctors spent ages finding it. So anyway, my next suicide attempt would most likely fail as well, but despite knowing so, I can't help thinking about it. It's like it's inevitably the best solution to everything for everybody around me. I was told to consult certain psychiatrist, but I actually prefer forums where you don't need to talk or meet in person.