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what if...

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Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
#1
so maybe it IS my fault...
I want to ask him so badly, but I can't he's already getting so much at his plate with that letter.. I can't add any more to that than I'm already doing

I'm so scared.

What if...
...he will say that it IS my fault
...he will say that I deserve all this
...he will come and get me
...he will call me
...he will put me in a ward
...he will lock me up
...he will cut off all contact forever

but most of all

what if he will reply saying that he doesn't love me, or that he hates me?

:cry: :cry:

maybe I should just act happy and apologize and go back to living at their place and just work there and act happy? Be what they want me to be?
 
#2
Hun, like i told you in chat you can't keep going over the IF's. I've told you that so many times. Thats all you seem to do. The facts are that you will never know if your birth caused it. You yourself even told me 'if he really cared he would have me on a ward by now' You told me that out of your own mouth not mine or anyone elses. If he was to reply when you deal with that if it happens. Stop dragging yourself over the ifs because its making you worse.

xxx

ps. you probably dont care but i just noticed your 1000 post's so congrats
 

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
#4
I'm going to my old home town in a bit. I will pick up my Sister this eve. I'll have to pull the car over in front of their house and then I'll have to wait for my Sister to come out and get in the car. It probably all sounds so stupid to anyone else, but I'm really scared of that moment. What if he or J. looks out the window and sees me, what will they do, what am I supposed to do? What if I run into family members or whatever? I'm so... lost.... confused... dunno what the fuck I'm supposed to do.

Also right now I'm a bit scared of driving there. I mean it's a long ride... what if on my way there I suddenly get triggered by a song on the radio again? what if somehting like a few weeks ago will happen again? what if I get in an attack of rage again?

I'm scared... :cry:
 
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