What if...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Fantasy Addict, Mar 22, 2009.

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  1. Fantasy Addict

    Fantasy Addict Active Member

    ...someone you live with and come into contact with numerous times a day triggers you to cut? I get an extremely strong and constant urge to cut whenever my dad is home, and it drives me crazy. My parents know this, but they just said to deal with it until they get another divorce. My mom and I have been getting along very well since I promised her I'd stop cutting, and she'd be very disappointed if I gave up and hurt myself again. Since the first time I told my mom I was cutting, a new rule was established, stating that I'm no longer allowed to take walks, and I don't have any friends to hang out with, so I'm stuck at home. Gah, this is why I hate weekends. :sad:

    It's just that, whenever he's home, I'm afraid of what he'll think of me. If I'm playing video games or on the computer, he'll think I'm wasting my time. If I'm reading, he'll think I'm being anti-social. I'm not allowed to be outside so I can escape, so I don't know what to do. When I was little, I was always super-paranoid about meeting up to his incredibly high standards, and although I have no interest or love toward him now, the feeling is still there from the years I spent trying to get him to love me.

    Gah... I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. :unsure:
     
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Just try and keep away from him and try to distract yourself.

    I spent the first 11 years of my life living with an abusive bipolar father, so I can relate with the need to get away.

    Can you just stay in your room when he's around? Maybe do an intensive activity to keep your mind off cutting?
     
  3. Fantasy Addict

    Fantasy Addict Active Member

    He broke down the door to my room, and our house is small, so avoiding him is hard. I'm fine if I can amuse myself somehow (usually) but I don't think that's enough. I need a way to cope with my feelings without cutting. I just don't know what that may be.
     
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