What if it is inevitable? Maybe I am just meant to kill myself. Why do I feel like this is pre-determined somehow? Why can't I give it up? Walk away, let it go. Live. damn it. live. But all I can think about is dying, ending this meaningless existence, it consumes me, all of me. I am so sick and no one can help because it is all in my fucking head. My heart is breaking, I swear I can feel it.